Bad Dog Mom

Let's take a little glimpse of the past few weeks in my world:

Work is incredibly chaotic, with waves of constituent concerns pouring in over the phone, email, and through the door. I am fielding all of them with mixed results whilst simultaneously trying to maintain my composure. As I calmly listen to a repeat-caller tell me about his need for a colon hydrotherapy bill to be heard by the committee, my partially deaf co-worker is handling bill collection and hearings procedures... and since he still thinks he's a lobbyist, he has a constant stream of people coming in to talk story or just hang out. Meanwhile, several different hearings are being broadcast on the overhead television and I'm trying to pay attention to when they go into recess so I can alert my Senator by text message that he must now wrap up his meeting in his office to go in for decision-making. I don't really know how it all works, but somehow by the end of the day I have merged three different schedules into an email itinerary for the next day, made calls to banks, the DOH and the DLNR about constituent issues, filed reports, collected signatures of Senators, and coordinated info briefings. If it seems like a lot, it is. Am I totally complaining? No. I really don't mind the work. In fact, I really like the controlled chaos. There is an artful finesse to balancing so many odd tasks and loose ends. When I finish compiling the schedule for the following day, I spend a good 10 minutes scouring through hearing notices and triple-checking schedules. Inevitably, I miss something. It happens. But you know... it's really satisfying to leave work knowing that I've managed to get almost all of the ducks in a row for the morning without too many casualties. I feel good about it.

Trying to get all of those ducks aligned in time to catch my carpool to derby practice has proved to be a tremendous challenge. Often I get to work thinking it will be a slow day, only to discover that something major is going to happen around 2pm that will make it impossible to leave my desk long enough to run down the hall and pee, and any chance of leaving before 630-7 is absolutely out of the question. I've only been able to coordinate seeing my dog on Saturdays. Work has completely consumed me.

I believe I may have taken on more than I can chew with derby this time around... NOT because I wasn't ready or equipped to handle the additional responsibility, but because I cannot handle it during this legislative session. I am crossing my fingers that no one starts complaining about my lack of league participation; tonight I worked an 11 hour day for the second day in a row. I missed league practice last night, a GM meeting for derby tonight. I know that's not good. I sense the silence of my co-chair and coach as being entirely related to my absence. But I can't change it right now... career comes first. Luckily I know that my coach recognizes my need to set down roots so that I can stick around past May. I don't think he would be as understanding were I a new recruit or a mediocre skater. I think he knows I'm trying to find the balance between work and play. I'll find it... I just need a little more time.

In addition to the work drama and the derby drama, I currently also have DOG drama. The couple that I've been paying to watch my dog while I work Session and live in a dog-free building had a major break-up last weekend. Consequently, the girl tried to commit suicide with an overdose, causing the guy to ship her on a plane back to her parents on the mainland. He then decided to move back to the mainland himself this weekend.
This obviously puts my dog and myself in a serious dilemma. Strangely enough (and I'm a bit put-off by it, but oh well), the girl placed a craigslist ad without telling me for a new foster situation for my dog... BEFORE the guy had told me he was leaving Hawaii in a week. I got an email response from a woman who is now watching my dog, as I discovered when I paid a visit that the dog wasn't receiving his meds. The poor pooch was covered in hives and sores, had a horrible ear infection, and bloody paws. Jesus. I was paying these people to watch him, when really, the guy had focused his attention elsewhere (and I am sympathetic to his stress, but come on). I think the couple were good with the dog until their personal life crumbled... but due to the circumstances, I yanked my dog out of the apartment and placed him immediately with random strangers that I had barely talked to. She and her disabled husband happen to be wonderful dog people and are taking extra good care of him now, but in light of the whole debacle, I have decided to fly my dog back to my parents. I can't handle any more drama involving that dog. I love him, but he's tricky and Hawaii is tricky to find accommodations that aren't in the heart of Kalihi. It's just too many strikes and not enough time to find a good setup.
So this random couple is helping me to get my dog to the vet tomorrow to get an updated health certificate so that I can fly him on the ONLY airline out of 10 that I called (all but 1 don't allow his breed anymore on any airline. Only Alaskan) back to MN to live with my parents. I think my mom and dad are excited to help and love him, but I feel a great amount of guilt for putting the responsibility of his care upon them.

I don't like admitting defeat. Right now, I have to stare it in the face.

I just can't handle the dog right now and give him the care and attention he deserves. Sadly for me, I know he will be happier back with my parents. After 7 years of dog care, I am a failed dog-mom. Surely this means I would be an unfit mother... aren't dogs the test-baby? Sigh.

This may be one of those regrets in life that I reflect back on in 10 years, but right now, I have to do it. I can't put him to the Humane Society because I know what will happen. I know my dog has red flags. I also know what he is capable of giving with his heart. With that in mind, I'm forking out the same amount it would cost to fly me to MN round trip, just to ensure that my furry son is safely back with a loving family that will give him the good life he deserves. I feel very fortunate to have such kick-ass parents right now. I also feel fortunate to have the support of my sister and brother, who know I'm busting my ass out here to try and make things work and are reaching out to let me know that they think my decision is okay.

Sometimes I DO have a lot of drama in my life. I know it's a lot at the moment. I just don't know if it's entirely my doing, is all.