Calm Before the Storm?

Life is a tightrope walk, delicately poised above a smoldering lava pit. One small gust of wind may whisk me to the inferno...

I have shipped Mr. Piggles to MN for the companionship he deserves, with his loving grandparents. Although it was pretty straightforward in the send-off, I had a hell of a time with it at home. It created a lot of domestic disturbance and I was almost cast out, all because I wanted a hug. I may never understand men. Since I do not understand women (myself included sometimes), that means I will have to conclude I don't understand people. Sending off my dog was really hard. He was my security blanket. Perhaps us women think we are entitled to consoling when we undergo a major trauma... but I have a hard time believing that a man wouldn't also expect consoling in a troubled time. Do men need emotional support? It was my understanding that ALL human beings needed it. Perhaps I am mistaken.

I need to find a place to live in May and another job, since this one ends and this living situation must end as well. Every time I talk to my dad, he is chuckling about yet ANOTHER interesting kink and turn in my road. It's flabbergasting that I can even function emotionally. What helps is to look at all of the mentally unstable, homeless people in Chinatown. They remind me that I've got it pretty damned good. In better news, I have a job interview tomorrow for an interesting advocacy coordinator position with a nonprofit I actually care about, and I'm curious about what they have in mind. I am somewhat excited and simultaneously wary. I guess it's better to go in optimistic. In best news, I was named the game MVP for Saturday's bout, and I'm slowly getting into the groove of work and derby. It's been a pain in the ass, but I think all of that is starting to come together.

When times get tricky, you are forced to make sacrifices. I have left a trail of belongings from MN to NC to MN to HNL to LIH to HNL, and now I have dug my toes into the dirt and will be DAMNED if I lose my footing in May.

Dog-gone it.
Pun intended.

I am perfectly aware that everyone has struggles in their life creating chaos, and I am trying my best to quell the storm before it destroys my house. I am a peacemaker, not a flipping drama queen. I am acutely aware, however, that I cannot control the actions of others and whether or not they choose to be emotionally available. I am a living daily newspaper, my headlines constantly shifting, my news sometimes bad sometimes good, my weather cloudy then sunny then full of tornadoes. I am still resolved to practice my zen ways of living in the moment, perpetually caught in a present state, tracing a circle of breath through my nose, into my belly, and out my mouth. I am not going to scream. Yet.