I've written this same paragraph before. I'm trying to write this one with intent and staying power.
I dated a guy on and off for 6 years. We finally ended it, and I've been single for about a year. I tried dating a few times on the "breaks" from him, but it never lasted long. I guess the real problem was the emotional abuse. Now that I know what was happening and I'm getting a ton of therapy, I recognize it. When you're in it, it's a lot harder to realize what's going on and why you feel so bad about yourself all the time. It's really tough, especially in our age range when most of our friends are married off with families and you're back to square one if you end things with whoever you're seeing... And so you stay, thinking it might get better if you try to communicate better or avoid certain topics, try harder to please your partner, stay away from the land mines.The more I read about this stuff, the more I understand that part of the reason for staying in that relationship all those years was what is called relationship investment... years "vested" into a particular person. But clearly it wasn't a great investment... I just kept thinking that he would come around and want to settle down, have a family, etc.
Wrong. Clearly.
Again the optimist, seeing only the good and ignoring all of the red flags that indicated he was not the type of guy I was looking for. It's really hard to let go and walk away, especially when you love the person and genuinely want them to also be happy.
Only age and wisdom allows you to understand that sometimes the biggest way to show someone you love them is to say goodbye, and good luck, and I won't try to make you be who you are not.
I bought the moped to replace a broken heart and a failed relationship. I named her FREEDOM.
I dated a guy on and off for 6 years. We finally ended it, and I've been single for about a year. I tried dating a few times on the "breaks" from him, but it never lasted long. I guess the real problem was the emotional abuse. Now that I know what was happening and I'm getting a ton of therapy, I recognize it. When you're in it, it's a lot harder to realize what's going on and why you feel so bad about yourself all the time. It's really tough, especially in our age range when most of our friends are married off with families and you're back to square one if you end things with whoever you're seeing... And so you stay, thinking it might get better if you try to communicate better or avoid certain topics, try harder to please your partner, stay away from the land mines.The more I read about this stuff, the more I understand that part of the reason for staying in that relationship all those years was what is called relationship investment... years "vested" into a particular person. But clearly it wasn't a great investment... I just kept thinking that he would come around and want to settle down, have a family, etc.
Wrong. Clearly.
Again the optimist, seeing only the good and ignoring all of the red flags that indicated he was not the type of guy I was looking for. It's really hard to let go and walk away, especially when you love the person and genuinely want them to also be happy.
Only age and wisdom allows you to understand that sometimes the biggest way to show someone you love them is to say goodbye, and good luck, and I won't try to make you be who you are not.
I bought the moped to replace a broken heart and a failed relationship. I named her FREEDOM.
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