Day 35

Well, I had a good talk with L. today, the fed rep in charge of my region. She made me feel a little more secure about keeping my position, and it sounds like she had some words with my supervisor, C. They must have come to the agreement that the hiring process would take too long and they should just wait out my medical leave. I am still distrustful, however, so I am exploring other options. If I do lose the position I’ll be looking in both Kauai and Oahu. I suppose I should consider moving home to MN, too, but I really don’t want to. I love it here.

As for L. and C.'s cooperation, I would say that L. has been very understanding and flexible, and C. tried for a while but is running out of patience. I guess I don’t blame her much as it is a long time into my service and I have been appointed since the end of August... so I only got about a month of work in before the accident. I haven't made much progress for her. She is allowing me to work at home for the time being and as long as we can figure out how to make due with me coordinating things from bed, it will be okay. Yesterday was hairy... I had a huge fight with her over the phone because she was doubting my doctor's notes... she wanted to call my doctor and talk to him! Please. I don't think so. There is nothing to clarify. The notes are very specific about his instructions to stay in bed. L. talked to her yesterday and calmed her down a bit, though, as today was a little more professional and calm. I was ready to let her have it on the phone if she went into it again, but she didn’t so I held my tongue. I suppose initializing her firing me would be bad. I really just want to quit, though. So bullshit to be accused of lying when I'm in such a compromised position, with EVERYTHING to lose! I'm going to continue to fish around for other job opportunities just in case, but hopefully this blows over, I can finish my year, and find something real. Ugh. I just want this to heal so I can get back to my life. It sucks not playing derby, not being able to even go to the grocery store, not being able to even leave my house! Even my dog is suffering. He can’t even get walks right now. My roommate could be more helpful, but she isn’t... and in the end, he IS my responsibility. Still. Poor dog. He’s crawling the walls just like me!

I have to cook meals with my leg up on the counter and rely on my roommate to fetch me things from the store. I have gotten the hang of having this handicap, but it is really inconvenient and disheartening. I thought my wrist was feeling better so I took the brace off for a few days.. but the ligament damage is still giving me a lot of trouble. I was in a lot of pain after simply transferring a dirty sauté pan to the sink with that hand! It is very possible that I will need some physical therapy to get back the strength in that wrist, which is scary for me as a sculptor. Not only am I having trouble with work, but I can’t do the sport I love OR have an outlet with my art form! This is the most miserable few months of my life.