It is day 47, and I am just settling back into my bedrest from a brief stint to Oahu for a fed conference. It was... interesting. My doctor approved the trip with a compression wrap, but C. was pissed that I went. She was probably right... my leg would swell quite a bit by the end of the day. I did a lot of walking that I probably shouldn't have done... but I also snuck in a bubble bath... so it wasn't all bad ;)
L. was glad to see me and I forged a good bond with her. I needed her to know that I'm doing everything I can to stay involved. I was a little bit pitiful with my leg propped on a chair for three days, but the sympathy it drew was a nice reminder to L. that I am still on the mend. I spent my off-time at the mall getting coffee and then retreating to my private hotel room to eat sushi and a late night pint of strawberry Häagen-Dazs. I was supposed to have a roommate, but apparently there was some program drama on her island, and she didn't show. Nice to have the space to myself.
I found it strangely amusing to go from solitude on bedrest in Kapaa to solitude on bedrest in Honolulu, and how different the two were. Whereas in Kapaa I felt trapped and anxious, in Honolulu I felt less trapped but more lonely than ever. It didn't help that no one outside of the conference could find time to have dinner.
Just when I thought things were going well, this accident acted as catalyst to cause my life to explode into tiny particles of confetti... and then someone lit a match.
I find ways to entertain myself besides doing the work that I'm really supposed to be doing on my work days, like feeding my insatiable desire for BBC English Period film series and the Tudor series, movies on the royal empire of Great Britain and the tried and true favorites of Bones and NCIS. My life has really become quite predictable and sad. Oddly enough, I feel the grips of the same depression that had such a strong hold on me back in Oahu when I realized my program was a failure. Then, I could escape and exercise my dog. Now, I must grit my teeth and bite down on the metallic taste of fate's bridal bit. I am an indentured servant to this hematoma on my leg. I must do R.I.C.E. (Rest Ice Compression Elevation) 24-7 until the bruise decides to drain away, as the consequences of not doing so are vast and complex.
I kissed goodbye my position for the derby trip to Alaska, and with a tearful but submissive tone, I told my captain that I would have to forfeit my spot on the All Stars roster until the next quarter, maybe longer. Wow. That was hard. I remember a while back when I was considering a move away from the derby... but this accident and being denied the chance to even practice has increased my passion for derby even more. I watched all of the tournament play for Western Regionals and Midwest Regionals, as well as the National Championship bouts held in Chicago. It seems that derby and coffee are the only things that keep my head above water right now. I must instill hope within that I will be able to return, for I know that the second I give up, the rest of this sweater that keeps my bones within my skin will unravel and fall to ruin at my feet.
I need derby. That's what I'm learning right now. I may not know what my purpose is in life, what my one great passion is to do for a career... but I DO know that I love derby. I need it in my life. It is my glue.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Day 35
Well, I had a good talk with L. today, the fed rep in charge of my region. She made me feel a little more secure about keeping my position, and it sounds like she had some words with my supervisor, C. They must have come to the agreement that the hiring process would take too long and they should just wait out my medical leave. I am still distrustful, however, so I am exploring other options. If I do lose the position I’ll be looking in both Kauai and Oahu. I suppose I should consider moving home to MN, too, but I really don’t want to. I love it here.
As for L. and C.'s cooperation, I would say that L. has been very understanding and flexible, and C. tried for a while but is running out of patience. I guess I don’t blame her much as it is a long time into my service and I have been appointed since the end of August... so I only got about a month of work in before the accident. I haven't made much progress for her. She is allowing me to work at home for the time being and as long as we can figure out how to make due with me coordinating things from bed, it will be okay. Yesterday was hairy... I had a huge fight with her over the phone because she was doubting my doctor's notes... she wanted to call my doctor and talk to him! Please. I don't think so. There is nothing to clarify. The notes are very specific about his instructions to stay in bed. L. talked to her yesterday and calmed her down a bit, though, as today was a little more professional and calm. I was ready to let her have it on the phone if she went into it again, but she didn’t so I held my tongue. I suppose initializing her firing me would be bad. I really just want to quit, though. So bullshit to be accused of lying when I'm in such a compromised position, with EVERYTHING to lose! I'm going to continue to fish around for other job opportunities just in case, but hopefully this blows over, I can finish my year, and find something real. Ugh. I just want this to heal so I can get back to my life. It sucks not playing derby, not being able to even go to the grocery store, not being able to even leave my house! Even my dog is suffering. He can’t even get walks right now. My roommate could be more helpful, but she isn’t... and in the end, he IS my responsibility. Still. Poor dog. He’s crawling the walls just like me!
I have to cook meals with my leg up on the counter and rely on my roommate to fetch me things from the store. I have gotten the hang of having this handicap, but it is really inconvenient and disheartening. I thought my wrist was feeling better so I took the brace off for a few days.. but the ligament damage is still giving me a lot of trouble. I was in a lot of pain after simply transferring a dirty sauté pan to the sink with that hand! It is very possible that I will need some physical therapy to get back the strength in that wrist, which is scary for me as a sculptor. Not only am I having trouble with work, but I can’t do the sport I love OR have an outlet with my art form! This is the most miserable few months of my life.
As for L. and C.'s cooperation, I would say that L. has been very understanding and flexible, and C. tried for a while but is running out of patience. I guess I don’t blame her much as it is a long time into my service and I have been appointed since the end of August... so I only got about a month of work in before the accident. I haven't made much progress for her. She is allowing me to work at home for the time being and as long as we can figure out how to make due with me coordinating things from bed, it will be okay. Yesterday was hairy... I had a huge fight with her over the phone because she was doubting my doctor's notes... she wanted to call my doctor and talk to him! Please. I don't think so. There is nothing to clarify. The notes are very specific about his instructions to stay in bed. L. talked to her yesterday and calmed her down a bit, though, as today was a little more professional and calm. I was ready to let her have it on the phone if she went into it again, but she didn’t so I held my tongue. I suppose initializing her firing me would be bad. I really just want to quit, though. So bullshit to be accused of lying when I'm in such a compromised position, with EVERYTHING to lose! I'm going to continue to fish around for other job opportunities just in case, but hopefully this blows over, I can finish my year, and find something real. Ugh. I just want this to heal so I can get back to my life. It sucks not playing derby, not being able to even go to the grocery store, not being able to even leave my house! Even my dog is suffering. He can’t even get walks right now. My roommate could be more helpful, but she isn’t... and in the end, he IS my responsibility. Still. Poor dog. He’s crawling the walls just like me!
I have to cook meals with my leg up on the counter and rely on my roommate to fetch me things from the store. I have gotten the hang of having this handicap, but it is really inconvenient and disheartening. I thought my wrist was feeling better so I took the brace off for a few days.. but the ligament damage is still giving me a lot of trouble. I was in a lot of pain after simply transferring a dirty sauté pan to the sink with that hand! It is very possible that I will need some physical therapy to get back the strength in that wrist, which is scary for me as a sculptor. Not only am I having trouble with work, but I can’t do the sport I love OR have an outlet with my art form! This is the most miserable few months of my life.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Day 34
I just had an argument over the phone with my boss. She’s infuriating. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t go back to work, even though I have submitted four doctor’s noted with specified instructions to stay home and elevate my foot. She wants to call my doctor, which I think is absolutely unacceptable. She has no right to talk to my doctor, does she? Am I wrong to oppose that?
It’s like she’s trying to test me to see if I’m lying, and it drives me crazy. I’ve done everything she’s asked of me. I’ve done all of the busywork she has assigned-the data entry, the email correspondence between her and other committees and students, everything. This is leaving a really bad taste in my mouth. Her distrust causes me to distrust her right back. I’m trying to follow normal procedures and doctor’s orders without jeopardizing my recovery, but at this point I do just want them to fire me and get it over with. None of this is my fault. I didn’t choose to get hit by a car on my way to work, and I certainly didn’t choose to have 2 months of bed rest. I’m in a bad spot right now and she’s putting unnecessary pressure on me to tell her something I can’t.
Dad thinks I should let her talk to my doctor, but I still disagree. I don’t trust her not to misconstrue something he says and say that he told her it was okay for me to go to work, when he clearly told me no and put it in writing. There is nothing to clarify and no confusion on the matter. I think my dad’s main argument is that it makes me look suspicious to deny her that, but I don’t think she has any right to hold conversations with my doctor, and I also don’t know how that might compromise my lawsuit or if it would do damage. I can’t get a hold of my lawyer, and it’s been 3 business days.
It’s like she’s trying to test me to see if I’m lying, and it drives me crazy. I’ve done everything she’s asked of me. I’ve done all of the busywork she has assigned-the data entry, the email correspondence between her and other committees and students, everything. This is leaving a really bad taste in my mouth. Her distrust causes me to distrust her right back. I’m trying to follow normal procedures and doctor’s orders without jeopardizing my recovery, but at this point I do just want them to fire me and get it over with. None of this is my fault. I didn’t choose to get hit by a car on my way to work, and I certainly didn’t choose to have 2 months of bed rest. I’m in a bad spot right now and she’s putting unnecessary pressure on me to tell her something I can’t.
Dad thinks I should let her talk to my doctor, but I still disagree. I don’t trust her not to misconstrue something he says and say that he told her it was okay for me to go to work, when he clearly told me no and put it in writing. There is nothing to clarify and no confusion on the matter. I think my dad’s main argument is that it makes me look suspicious to deny her that, but I don’t think she has any right to hold conversations with my doctor, and I also don’t know how that might compromise my lawsuit or if it would do damage. I can’t get a hold of my lawyer, and it’s been 3 business days.
Friday, November 5, 2010
So Many Disappointing Appointments
Timeline for Kelly Thune
10/5-Accident on morning commute to work
10/5-Begin medical leave through 10/11
10/12-Returned to work before pm Doctor’s appointment
10/12-Doctor’s appointment
10/13-Medical Leave reinstated through 10/20 :(
10/21-Doctor’s appointment, Medical Leave reinstated. Returned to work to collect things and discuss events, assigned work from home.
11/4-Doctor’s appointment to re-assess injuries, recovery, and possibility of returning to work
11/5-Medical Leave reinstated through 12/5 with permission to work from home and orders to keep leg elevated. Permission granted to attend Americorps conference in Oahu with compression wrap and elevation, specified in Doctor’s note.
12/6-Next Doctor’s appointment to assess and discuss surgical options if necessary. :((
10/5-Accident on morning commute to work
10/5-Begin medical leave through 10/11
10/12-Returned to work before pm Doctor’s appointment
10/12-Doctor’s appointment
10/13-Medical Leave reinstated through 10/20 :(
10/21-Doctor’s appointment, Medical Leave reinstated. Returned to work to collect things and discuss events, assigned work from home.
11/4-Doctor’s appointment to re-assess injuries, recovery, and possibility of returning to work
11/5-Medical Leave reinstated through 12/5 with permission to work from home and orders to keep leg elevated. Permission granted to attend Americorps conference in Oahu with compression wrap and elevation, specified in Doctor’s note.
12/6-Next Doctor’s appointment to assess and discuss surgical options if necessary. :((
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
October 5th Changed Everything
Funny how in just a split second, your world can fall from underneath you, sending you face-first into asphalt. Literally.
Motorcycle collision October 5, 2010
Riding 790cc Triumph 'America' into the Kapaa roundabout intersection at approximately 7:15am on my morning commute. Equipped with DOT approved helmet, proper eye protection, leather jacket, long pants and riding boots. Entered roundabout where no other cars were present after yielding at sign, making my way round the circle to hook onto bypass road. After passing the second yield sign at the foot of hill to my right, I looked over my shoulder in time to see an off-white vehicle speeding directly into the side of my motorcycle. The hood of their car was so close that I touched it with my right hand. In that split second I realized the vehicle was about to hit my right rear tire, so I jackknifed the handlebars of my motorcycle and laid the bike down onto the asphalt to avoid being thrown into the windshield of the vehicle, putting the motorcycle between myself and the vehicle. The bumper of the car hit the tire of the motorcycle instead of my body, which
catapulted the bike with great force towards the ground. I lost consciousness briefly from the impact and awoke to find that I could not move due to the weight of my motorcycle on top of me. I was being coaxed by a man to lie still and provide him with my contact information. The ambulance crew arrived quickly (perhaps due to a time lapse from blacking out) and they proceeded to board me on a stretcher and treat me as if I had a spinal injury. All proper protocol was followed by emergency personnel and I was taken by ambulance to Wilcox Emergency Room. Complete x-rays and a Cat scan were taken. I was treated and released at approximately 11:30am. Injuries suffered include a broken left hand, severe abrasions to left hand and left knee, facial bruising around eye and left cheekbone, as well as bruising from left knee down to left foot. Bruising on leg is severe enough to require elevation to avoid blood clotting. I have missed one week of work.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love."
Motorcycle collision October 5, 2010
Riding 790cc Triumph 'America' into the Kapaa roundabout intersection at approximately 7:15am on my morning commute. Equipped with DOT approved helmet, proper eye protection, leather jacket, long pants and riding boots. Entered roundabout where no other cars were present after yielding at sign, making my way round the circle to hook onto bypass road. After passing the second yield sign at the foot of hill to my right, I looked over my shoulder in time to see an off-white vehicle speeding directly into the side of my motorcycle. The hood of their car was so close that I touched it with my right hand. In that split second I realized the vehicle was about to hit my right rear tire, so I jackknifed the handlebars of my motorcycle and laid the bike down onto the asphalt to avoid being thrown into the windshield of the vehicle, putting the motorcycle between myself and the vehicle. The bumper of the car hit the tire of the motorcycle instead of my body, which
catapulted the bike with great force towards the ground. I lost consciousness briefly from the impact and awoke to find that I could not move due to the weight of my motorcycle on top of me. I was being coaxed by a man to lie still and provide him with my contact information. The ambulance crew arrived quickly (perhaps due to a time lapse from blacking out) and they proceeded to board me on a stretcher and treat me as if I had a spinal injury. All proper protocol was followed by emergency personnel and I was taken by ambulance to Wilcox Emergency Room. Complete x-rays and a Cat scan were taken. I was treated and released at approximately 11:30am. Injuries suffered include a broken left hand, severe abrasions to left hand and left knee, facial bruising around eye and left cheekbone, as well as bruising from left knee down to left foot. Bruising on leg is severe enough to require elevation to avoid blood clotting. I have missed one week of work.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love."
Monday, August 23, 2010
A month of Transition
Want a juicy opening chapter to an adventure novel?
The end of a journey.
The beginning of a journey.
Saying goodbye to year-long friends and my 2nd derby league.
Parting ways with a lover, my heart shredded by failed attempts to gain his trust and commitment.
Joining a 3rd derby league, newly formed and absolutely green.
Taking a leap across the ocean yet again, this time landing in Kapaa, Kauai.
Wow. What a crazy ride this is gonna be...
My future is wide open.
The end of a journey.
The beginning of a journey.
Saying goodbye to year-long friends and my 2nd derby league.
Parting ways with a lover, my heart shredded by failed attempts to gain his trust and commitment.
Joining a 3rd derby league, newly formed and absolutely green.
Taking a leap across the ocean yet again, this time landing in Kapaa, Kauai.
Wow. What a crazy ride this is gonna be...
My future is wide open.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Sobering Tragedy
Have you ever had someone die in front of you? That happened to me a few weeks back, on my trip back home. Life altering.
Fatal car crash. My family and I arrived on the scene after hearing it near our cabin at midnight.
Teenagers.
Two dead, two alive.
I've seen what cancer can do to a person. I've watched someone slowly die that way.
I watched my grandpa eventually die of emphysema (actually, the day after the car crash, we spread his ashes in the lake).
But young kids? Oof.
I kept surveying the scene... it looked like a movie or NCIS or something... so it was a trip to comprehend it was real. Imagine your favorite crime show being real in front of you. Two dead teenage boys, scissored underneath the car, the roof peeled back to reveal one live girl standing on top of one of the dead boys, huddled in the fetal position. She had no idea. One girl still strapped into her seatbelt in the back, deliriously trying to orientate herself. The two boys... poor boys. Unnatural rag dolls, not wearing seat belts.
I'm still having a hard time sleeping.
My family felt so helpless... nothing we could do but keep the two live girls from moving until the medics arrived. All of the EMT, First Aid and medical background of my family, and all we could do was talk to them.
Those girls didn't know what day it was... just their names and where they were from... which is something, I guess.
I keep trying to write about it... but I don't get very far.
This tragedy really changed my perspective.
I think about all of the stupid shit I've done, and miraculously, I'm still alive. With all of my appendages.
I could have ended up like one of those kids, you know... but somehow I didn't... and that astonishes me.
Fatal car crash. My family and I arrived on the scene after hearing it near our cabin at midnight.
Teenagers.
Two dead, two alive.
I've seen what cancer can do to a person. I've watched someone slowly die that way.
I watched my grandpa eventually die of emphysema (actually, the day after the car crash, we spread his ashes in the lake).
But young kids? Oof.
I kept surveying the scene... it looked like a movie or NCIS or something... so it was a trip to comprehend it was real. Imagine your favorite crime show being real in front of you. Two dead teenage boys, scissored underneath the car, the roof peeled back to reveal one live girl standing on top of one of the dead boys, huddled in the fetal position. She had no idea. One girl still strapped into her seatbelt in the back, deliriously trying to orientate herself. The two boys... poor boys. Unnatural rag dolls, not wearing seat belts.
I'm still having a hard time sleeping.
My family felt so helpless... nothing we could do but keep the two live girls from moving until the medics arrived. All of the EMT, First Aid and medical background of my family, and all we could do was talk to them.
Those girls didn't know what day it was... just their names and where they were from... which is something, I guess.
I keep trying to write about it... but I don't get very far.
This tragedy really changed my perspective.
I think about all of the stupid shit I've done, and miraculously, I'm still alive. With all of my appendages.
I could have ended up like one of those kids, you know... but somehow I didn't... and that astonishes me.
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