Maybe it's silly to gauge my poverty level by mochas,
but it's nice to look forward to small rewards.
I figure if I still have $50 in the bank, though, I'm still doing better than a good percentage of the world's population.
I'm lucky to have a bed, and a roof.
no bugs (anymore).
plumbing.
hot showers.
clean clothes.
shoes.
toothpaste and toilet paper.
clean water.
no disease.
Man... really, I'm living the dream!
To be able to drink a mocha reminds me that I am really quite rich in privilege.
To be able to drink a mocha in Kauai makes me bliss out. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I'm going to try to hang on to that feeling next time I feel like quitting my job that pays me $5.40 an hour. Yes, the same one that I must hobble to on crutches. You know, the one that keeps ending in assignments of generating spreadsheet templates on accounting documents.
Living the dream. I'm in living color.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Derby Demure
It is day 47, and I am just settling back into my bedrest from a brief stint to Oahu for a fed conference. It was... interesting. My doctor approved the trip with a compression wrap, but C. was pissed that I went. She was probably right... my leg would swell quite a bit by the end of the day. I did a lot of walking that I probably shouldn't have done... but I also snuck in a bubble bath... so it wasn't all bad ;)
L. was glad to see me and I forged a good bond with her. I needed her to know that I'm doing everything I can to stay involved. I was a little bit pitiful with my leg propped on a chair for three days, but the sympathy it drew was a nice reminder to L. that I am still on the mend. I spent my off-time at the mall getting coffee and then retreating to my private hotel room to eat sushi and a late night pint of strawberry Häagen-Dazs. I was supposed to have a roommate, but apparently there was some program drama on her island, and she didn't show. Nice to have the space to myself.
I found it strangely amusing to go from solitude on bedrest in Kapaa to solitude on bedrest in Honolulu, and how different the two were. Whereas in Kapaa I felt trapped and anxious, in Honolulu I felt less trapped but more lonely than ever. It didn't help that no one outside of the conference could find time to have dinner.
Just when I thought things were going well, this accident acted as catalyst to cause my life to explode into tiny particles of confetti... and then someone lit a match.
I find ways to entertain myself besides doing the work that I'm really supposed to be doing on my work days, like feeding my insatiable desire for BBC English Period film series and the Tudor series, movies on the royal empire of Great Britain and the tried and true favorites of Bones and NCIS. My life has really become quite predictable and sad. Oddly enough, I feel the grips of the same depression that had such a strong hold on me back in Oahu when I realized my program was a failure. Then, I could escape and exercise my dog. Now, I must grit my teeth and bite down on the metallic taste of fate's bridal bit. I am an indentured servant to this hematoma on my leg. I must do R.I.C.E. (Rest Ice Compression Elevation) 24-7 until the bruise decides to drain away, as the consequences of not doing so are vast and complex.
I kissed goodbye my position for the derby trip to Alaska, and with a tearful but submissive tone, I told my captain that I would have to forfeit my spot on the All Stars roster until the next quarter, maybe longer. Wow. That was hard. I remember a while back when I was considering a move away from the derby... but this accident and being denied the chance to even practice has increased my passion for derby even more. I watched all of the tournament play for Western Regionals and Midwest Regionals, as well as the National Championship bouts held in Chicago. It seems that derby and coffee are the only things that keep my head above water right now. I must instill hope within that I will be able to return, for I know that the second I give up, the rest of this sweater that keeps my bones within my skin will unravel and fall to ruin at my feet.
I need derby. That's what I'm learning right now. I may not know what my purpose is in life, what my one great passion is to do for a career... but I DO know that I love derby. I need it in my life. It is my glue.
L. was glad to see me and I forged a good bond with her. I needed her to know that I'm doing everything I can to stay involved. I was a little bit pitiful with my leg propped on a chair for three days, but the sympathy it drew was a nice reminder to L. that I am still on the mend. I spent my off-time at the mall getting coffee and then retreating to my private hotel room to eat sushi and a late night pint of strawberry Häagen-Dazs. I was supposed to have a roommate, but apparently there was some program drama on her island, and she didn't show. Nice to have the space to myself.
I found it strangely amusing to go from solitude on bedrest in Kapaa to solitude on bedrest in Honolulu, and how different the two were. Whereas in Kapaa I felt trapped and anxious, in Honolulu I felt less trapped but more lonely than ever. It didn't help that no one outside of the conference could find time to have dinner.
Just when I thought things were going well, this accident acted as catalyst to cause my life to explode into tiny particles of confetti... and then someone lit a match.
I find ways to entertain myself besides doing the work that I'm really supposed to be doing on my work days, like feeding my insatiable desire for BBC English Period film series and the Tudor series, movies on the royal empire of Great Britain and the tried and true favorites of Bones and NCIS. My life has really become quite predictable and sad. Oddly enough, I feel the grips of the same depression that had such a strong hold on me back in Oahu when I realized my program was a failure. Then, I could escape and exercise my dog. Now, I must grit my teeth and bite down on the metallic taste of fate's bridal bit. I am an indentured servant to this hematoma on my leg. I must do R.I.C.E. (Rest Ice Compression Elevation) 24-7 until the bruise decides to drain away, as the consequences of not doing so are vast and complex.
I kissed goodbye my position for the derby trip to Alaska, and with a tearful but submissive tone, I told my captain that I would have to forfeit my spot on the All Stars roster until the next quarter, maybe longer. Wow. That was hard. I remember a while back when I was considering a move away from the derby... but this accident and being denied the chance to even practice has increased my passion for derby even more. I watched all of the tournament play for Western Regionals and Midwest Regionals, as well as the National Championship bouts held in Chicago. It seems that derby and coffee are the only things that keep my head above water right now. I must instill hope within that I will be able to return, for I know that the second I give up, the rest of this sweater that keeps my bones within my skin will unravel and fall to ruin at my feet.
I need derby. That's what I'm learning right now. I may not know what my purpose is in life, what my one great passion is to do for a career... but I DO know that I love derby. I need it in my life. It is my glue.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Day 35
Well, I had a good talk with L. today, the fed rep in charge of my region. She made me feel a little more secure about keeping my position, and it sounds like she had some words with my supervisor, C. They must have come to the agreement that the hiring process would take too long and they should just wait out my medical leave. I am still distrustful, however, so I am exploring other options. If I do lose the position I’ll be looking in both Kauai and Oahu. I suppose I should consider moving home to MN, too, but I really don’t want to. I love it here.
As for L. and C.'s cooperation, I would say that L. has been very understanding and flexible, and C. tried for a while but is running out of patience. I guess I don’t blame her much as it is a long time into my service and I have been appointed since the end of August... so I only got about a month of work in before the accident. I haven't made much progress for her. She is allowing me to work at home for the time being and as long as we can figure out how to make due with me coordinating things from bed, it will be okay. Yesterday was hairy... I had a huge fight with her over the phone because she was doubting my doctor's notes... she wanted to call my doctor and talk to him! Please. I don't think so. There is nothing to clarify. The notes are very specific about his instructions to stay in bed. L. talked to her yesterday and calmed her down a bit, though, as today was a little more professional and calm. I was ready to let her have it on the phone if she went into it again, but she didn’t so I held my tongue. I suppose initializing her firing me would be bad. I really just want to quit, though. So bullshit to be accused of lying when I'm in such a compromised position, with EVERYTHING to lose! I'm going to continue to fish around for other job opportunities just in case, but hopefully this blows over, I can finish my year, and find something real. Ugh. I just want this to heal so I can get back to my life. It sucks not playing derby, not being able to even go to the grocery store, not being able to even leave my house! Even my dog is suffering. He can’t even get walks right now. My roommate could be more helpful, but she isn’t... and in the end, he IS my responsibility. Still. Poor dog. He’s crawling the walls just like me!
I have to cook meals with my leg up on the counter and rely on my roommate to fetch me things from the store. I have gotten the hang of having this handicap, but it is really inconvenient and disheartening. I thought my wrist was feeling better so I took the brace off for a few days.. but the ligament damage is still giving me a lot of trouble. I was in a lot of pain after simply transferring a dirty sauté pan to the sink with that hand! It is very possible that I will need some physical therapy to get back the strength in that wrist, which is scary for me as a sculptor. Not only am I having trouble with work, but I can’t do the sport I love OR have an outlet with my art form! This is the most miserable few months of my life.
As for L. and C.'s cooperation, I would say that L. has been very understanding and flexible, and C. tried for a while but is running out of patience. I guess I don’t blame her much as it is a long time into my service and I have been appointed since the end of August... so I only got about a month of work in before the accident. I haven't made much progress for her. She is allowing me to work at home for the time being and as long as we can figure out how to make due with me coordinating things from bed, it will be okay. Yesterday was hairy... I had a huge fight with her over the phone because she was doubting my doctor's notes... she wanted to call my doctor and talk to him! Please. I don't think so. There is nothing to clarify. The notes are very specific about his instructions to stay in bed. L. talked to her yesterday and calmed her down a bit, though, as today was a little more professional and calm. I was ready to let her have it on the phone if she went into it again, but she didn’t so I held my tongue. I suppose initializing her firing me would be bad. I really just want to quit, though. So bullshit to be accused of lying when I'm in such a compromised position, with EVERYTHING to lose! I'm going to continue to fish around for other job opportunities just in case, but hopefully this blows over, I can finish my year, and find something real. Ugh. I just want this to heal so I can get back to my life. It sucks not playing derby, not being able to even go to the grocery store, not being able to even leave my house! Even my dog is suffering. He can’t even get walks right now. My roommate could be more helpful, but she isn’t... and in the end, he IS my responsibility. Still. Poor dog. He’s crawling the walls just like me!
I have to cook meals with my leg up on the counter and rely on my roommate to fetch me things from the store. I have gotten the hang of having this handicap, but it is really inconvenient and disheartening. I thought my wrist was feeling better so I took the brace off for a few days.. but the ligament damage is still giving me a lot of trouble. I was in a lot of pain after simply transferring a dirty sauté pan to the sink with that hand! It is very possible that I will need some physical therapy to get back the strength in that wrist, which is scary for me as a sculptor. Not only am I having trouble with work, but I can’t do the sport I love OR have an outlet with my art form! This is the most miserable few months of my life.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Day 34
I just had an argument over the phone with my boss. She’s infuriating. She doesn’t seem to understand why I can’t go back to work, even though I have submitted four doctor’s noted with specified instructions to stay home and elevate my foot. She wants to call my doctor, which I think is absolutely unacceptable. She has no right to talk to my doctor, does she? Am I wrong to oppose that?
It’s like she’s trying to test me to see if I’m lying, and it drives me crazy. I’ve done everything she’s asked of me. I’ve done all of the busywork she has assigned-the data entry, the email correspondence between her and other committees and students, everything. This is leaving a really bad taste in my mouth. Her distrust causes me to distrust her right back. I’m trying to follow normal procedures and doctor’s orders without jeopardizing my recovery, but at this point I do just want them to fire me and get it over with. None of this is my fault. I didn’t choose to get hit by a car on my way to work, and I certainly didn’t choose to have 2 months of bed rest. I’m in a bad spot right now and she’s putting unnecessary pressure on me to tell her something I can’t.
Dad thinks I should let her talk to my doctor, but I still disagree. I don’t trust her not to misconstrue something he says and say that he told her it was okay for me to go to work, when he clearly told me no and put it in writing. There is nothing to clarify and no confusion on the matter. I think my dad’s main argument is that it makes me look suspicious to deny her that, but I don’t think she has any right to hold conversations with my doctor, and I also don’t know how that might compromise my lawsuit or if it would do damage. I can’t get a hold of my lawyer, and it’s been 3 business days.
It’s like she’s trying to test me to see if I’m lying, and it drives me crazy. I’ve done everything she’s asked of me. I’ve done all of the busywork she has assigned-the data entry, the email correspondence between her and other committees and students, everything. This is leaving a really bad taste in my mouth. Her distrust causes me to distrust her right back. I’m trying to follow normal procedures and doctor’s orders without jeopardizing my recovery, but at this point I do just want them to fire me and get it over with. None of this is my fault. I didn’t choose to get hit by a car on my way to work, and I certainly didn’t choose to have 2 months of bed rest. I’m in a bad spot right now and she’s putting unnecessary pressure on me to tell her something I can’t.
Dad thinks I should let her talk to my doctor, but I still disagree. I don’t trust her not to misconstrue something he says and say that he told her it was okay for me to go to work, when he clearly told me no and put it in writing. There is nothing to clarify and no confusion on the matter. I think my dad’s main argument is that it makes me look suspicious to deny her that, but I don’t think she has any right to hold conversations with my doctor, and I also don’t know how that might compromise my lawsuit or if it would do damage. I can’t get a hold of my lawyer, and it’s been 3 business days.
Friday, November 5, 2010
So Many Disappointing Appointments
Timeline for Kelly Thune
10/5-Accident on morning commute to work
10/5-Begin medical leave through 10/11
10/12-Returned to work before pm Doctor’s appointment
10/12-Doctor’s appointment
10/13-Medical Leave reinstated through 10/20 :(
10/21-Doctor’s appointment, Medical Leave reinstated. Returned to work to collect things and discuss events, assigned work from home.
11/4-Doctor’s appointment to re-assess injuries, recovery, and possibility of returning to work
11/5-Medical Leave reinstated through 12/5 with permission to work from home and orders to keep leg elevated. Permission granted to attend Americorps conference in Oahu with compression wrap and elevation, specified in Doctor’s note.
12/6-Next Doctor’s appointment to assess and discuss surgical options if necessary. :((
10/5-Accident on morning commute to work
10/5-Begin medical leave through 10/11
10/12-Returned to work before pm Doctor’s appointment
10/12-Doctor’s appointment
10/13-Medical Leave reinstated through 10/20 :(
10/21-Doctor’s appointment, Medical Leave reinstated. Returned to work to collect things and discuss events, assigned work from home.
11/4-Doctor’s appointment to re-assess injuries, recovery, and possibility of returning to work
11/5-Medical Leave reinstated through 12/5 with permission to work from home and orders to keep leg elevated. Permission granted to attend Americorps conference in Oahu with compression wrap and elevation, specified in Doctor’s note.
12/6-Next Doctor’s appointment to assess and discuss surgical options if necessary. :((
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
October 5th Changed Everything
Funny how in just a split second, your world can fall from underneath you, sending you face-first into asphalt. Literally.
Motorcycle collision October 5, 2010
Riding 790cc Triumph 'America' into the Kapaa roundabout intersection at approximately 7:15am on my morning commute. Equipped with DOT approved helmet, proper eye protection, leather jacket, long pants and riding boots. Entered roundabout where no other cars were present after yielding at sign, making my way round the circle to hook onto bypass road. After passing the second yield sign at the foot of hill to my right, I looked over my shoulder in time to see an off-white vehicle speeding directly into the side of my motorcycle. The hood of their car was so close that I touched it with my right hand. In that split second I realized the vehicle was about to hit my right rear tire, so I jackknifed the handlebars of my motorcycle and laid the bike down onto the asphalt to avoid being thrown into the windshield of the vehicle, putting the motorcycle between myself and the vehicle. The bumper of the car hit the tire of the motorcycle instead of my body, which
catapulted the bike with great force towards the ground. I lost consciousness briefly from the impact and awoke to find that I could not move due to the weight of my motorcycle on top of me. I was being coaxed by a man to lie still and provide him with my contact information. The ambulance crew arrived quickly (perhaps due to a time lapse from blacking out) and they proceeded to board me on a stretcher and treat me as if I had a spinal injury. All proper protocol was followed by emergency personnel and I was taken by ambulance to Wilcox Emergency Room. Complete x-rays and a Cat scan were taken. I was treated and released at approximately 11:30am. Injuries suffered include a broken left hand, severe abrasions to left hand and left knee, facial bruising around eye and left cheekbone, as well as bruising from left knee down to left foot. Bruising on leg is severe enough to require elevation to avoid blood clotting. I have missed one week of work.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love."
Motorcycle collision October 5, 2010
Riding 790cc Triumph 'America' into the Kapaa roundabout intersection at approximately 7:15am on my morning commute. Equipped with DOT approved helmet, proper eye protection, leather jacket, long pants and riding boots. Entered roundabout where no other cars were present after yielding at sign, making my way round the circle to hook onto bypass road. After passing the second yield sign at the foot of hill to my right, I looked over my shoulder in time to see an off-white vehicle speeding directly into the side of my motorcycle. The hood of their car was so close that I touched it with my right hand. In that split second I realized the vehicle was about to hit my right rear tire, so I jackknifed the handlebars of my motorcycle and laid the bike down onto the asphalt to avoid being thrown into the windshield of the vehicle, putting the motorcycle between myself and the vehicle. The bumper of the car hit the tire of the motorcycle instead of my body, which
catapulted the bike with great force towards the ground. I lost consciousness briefly from the impact and awoke to find that I could not move due to the weight of my motorcycle on top of me. I was being coaxed by a man to lie still and provide him with my contact information. The ambulance crew arrived quickly (perhaps due to a time lapse from blacking out) and they proceeded to board me on a stretcher and treat me as if I had a spinal injury. All proper protocol was followed by emergency personnel and I was taken by ambulance to Wilcox Emergency Room. Complete x-rays and a Cat scan were taken. I was treated and released at approximately 11:30am. Injuries suffered include a broken left hand, severe abrasions to left hand and left knee, facial bruising around eye and left cheekbone, as well as bruising from left knee down to left foot. Bruising on leg is severe enough to require elevation to avoid blood clotting. I have missed one week of work.
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change. So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding and love."
Monday, August 23, 2010
A month of Transition
Want a juicy opening chapter to an adventure novel?
The end of a journey.
The beginning of a journey.
Saying goodbye to year-long friends and my 2nd derby league.
Parting ways with a lover, my heart shredded by failed attempts to gain his trust and commitment.
Joining a 3rd derby league, newly formed and absolutely green.
Taking a leap across the ocean yet again, this time landing in Kapaa, Kauai.
Wow. What a crazy ride this is gonna be...
My future is wide open.
The end of a journey.
The beginning of a journey.
Saying goodbye to year-long friends and my 2nd derby league.
Parting ways with a lover, my heart shredded by failed attempts to gain his trust and commitment.
Joining a 3rd derby league, newly formed and absolutely green.
Taking a leap across the ocean yet again, this time landing in Kapaa, Kauai.
Wow. What a crazy ride this is gonna be...
My future is wide open.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Sobering Tragedy
Have you ever had someone die in front of you? That happened to me a few weeks back, on my trip back home. Life altering.
Fatal car crash. My family and I arrived on the scene after hearing it near our cabin at midnight.
Teenagers.
Two dead, two alive.
I've seen what cancer can do to a person. I've watched someone slowly die that way.
I watched my grandpa eventually die of emphysema (actually, the day after the car crash, we spread his ashes in the lake).
But young kids? Oof.
I kept surveying the scene... it looked like a movie or NCIS or something... so it was a trip to comprehend it was real. Imagine your favorite crime show being real in front of you. Two dead teenage boys, scissored underneath the car, the roof peeled back to reveal one live girl standing on top of one of the dead boys, huddled in the fetal position. She had no idea. One girl still strapped into her seatbelt in the back, deliriously trying to orientate herself. The two boys... poor boys. Unnatural rag dolls, not wearing seat belts.
I'm still having a hard time sleeping.
My family felt so helpless... nothing we could do but keep the two live girls from moving until the medics arrived. All of the EMT, First Aid and medical background of my family, and all we could do was talk to them.
Those girls didn't know what day it was... just their names and where they were from... which is something, I guess.
I keep trying to write about it... but I don't get very far.
This tragedy really changed my perspective.
I think about all of the stupid shit I've done, and miraculously, I'm still alive. With all of my appendages.
I could have ended up like one of those kids, you know... but somehow I didn't... and that astonishes me.
Fatal car crash. My family and I arrived on the scene after hearing it near our cabin at midnight.
Teenagers.
Two dead, two alive.
I've seen what cancer can do to a person. I've watched someone slowly die that way.
I watched my grandpa eventually die of emphysema (actually, the day after the car crash, we spread his ashes in the lake).
But young kids? Oof.
I kept surveying the scene... it looked like a movie or NCIS or something... so it was a trip to comprehend it was real. Imagine your favorite crime show being real in front of you. Two dead teenage boys, scissored underneath the car, the roof peeled back to reveal one live girl standing on top of one of the dead boys, huddled in the fetal position. She had no idea. One girl still strapped into her seatbelt in the back, deliriously trying to orientate herself. The two boys... poor boys. Unnatural rag dolls, not wearing seat belts.
I'm still having a hard time sleeping.
My family felt so helpless... nothing we could do but keep the two live girls from moving until the medics arrived. All of the EMT, First Aid and medical background of my family, and all we could do was talk to them.
Those girls didn't know what day it was... just their names and where they were from... which is something, I guess.
I keep trying to write about it... but I don't get very far.
This tragedy really changed my perspective.
I think about all of the stupid shit I've done, and miraculously, I'm still alive. With all of my appendages.
I could have ended up like one of those kids, you know... but somehow I didn't... and that astonishes me.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Budget Travel, Island Getaways
I've been putting on air miles, despite my ridiculously small paycheck. Hit up Maui for a roller derby bout, then flew to the Big Island the next weekend for a little rest and relaxation. No regrets. Soaked up the beautiful beaches and tropical settings. Saw naked fire dancers at a nudie beach in Maui near Kihei, stole (oops! borrowed) towels from the Hilton on the Big Island to gain access to their immaculate wonderland of water features and what I deemed "White Privilege" (hey... it was mostly rich white folks getting sunburned. What can I say?)
Island-hopping is very similar to landing on different planets. I have concluded that the Big Island is a lot like Mars... Kauai, much like a planet containing Jurassic Park. Maui I didn't see a whole lot of, but it seems to be a country version of Oahu. Minus the garbage. Wow, Oahu is dirty. If Oahu were a planet, it would be where all the other planets throw their trash. All of the canals that drain from the mountains to the ocean are lined with debris ranging from mattresses to construction lumber, abandoned tires to microwaves. Discarded crap litters the sidewalks throughout the city. Of course, where there is trash, there are rats and roaches. You see the grotesque element. It's the most disheartening part of Honolulu, but I suppose unavoidable. Cost of living is high and so is the cost of large specialty item trash removal. I remember it costing my landlord $300 to have the roach-infested couch removed from our lanai back when I lived in Palolo. Man! You could buy a new couch for that! Sometimes it's advantageous to stroll a few blocks away from home and seek out abandoned book shelves... but for the most part, it's just a sad state of affairs. I just heard a terrible tale about the Ala Wai canal the other day that I won't even go into... but basically, it's toxic soup.
All in all, I've seen a lot since moving to Hawaii and have had some amazing adventures. I've acquired a taste for sushi, have effectively mastered the bus system, seen three islands, basked in the sun at multiple beaches, seen rainforests of bamboo, waterfalls... yeah. It's a pretty awesome place to explore. I do miss "weather," though. No thunderstorms, and very few heavy rainfalls. It gets boring to always have it be sunny or misting. I get bored with monotony. It is true in the career field and it is true in my living environment. Things get too comfortable and... BAM!! I need a change. I'm not a nomad, really, but I like to shake things up a bit. I suppose that's where Oscar the dog comes in...
Oscar is a little bit of a drama queen. Since he's arrived, he has done his part to remain the center of attention. Not always in a good way. While I was visiting the Big Island, he started a fight with an off-leash dog that looked his mirror-image, which to his credit wasn't entirely his fault since he was on-leash. He has continually menaced all neighboring dog-walkers protecting their toy breeds. He doesn't seem to understand what I'm doing when I have to weave between parked cars so that he doesn't see the Bichon approaching. It's kinda out of control. I walk him plenty every day and he certainly has his 'Breed Embassador' moments, but I just can't seem to break him of that small animal prey drive. Last week he tried to fit my new roommate's cat in his mouth. I had to pry his jaws off of the poor thing. I think it was a traumatic but necessary initiation for both the new roommate and the cat... but I don't want it to happen again. I am going to start looking for a personal trainer to help me gain control over my powerful and completely obnoxious canine. Maybe Cesar Milan will make a trip here to work with the animal kingdom in my apartment. To date, we now house 5 cats and 3 dogs. It's gotta be breaking the health code, but I'm not saying a word. Apartment hunting for a place that allows a big dog is just too hard.
Island-hopping is very similar to landing on different planets. I have concluded that the Big Island is a lot like Mars... Kauai, much like a planet containing Jurassic Park. Maui I didn't see a whole lot of, but it seems to be a country version of Oahu. Minus the garbage. Wow, Oahu is dirty. If Oahu were a planet, it would be where all the other planets throw their trash. All of the canals that drain from the mountains to the ocean are lined with debris ranging from mattresses to construction lumber, abandoned tires to microwaves. Discarded crap litters the sidewalks throughout the city. Of course, where there is trash, there are rats and roaches. You see the grotesque element. It's the most disheartening part of Honolulu, but I suppose unavoidable. Cost of living is high and so is the cost of large specialty item trash removal. I remember it costing my landlord $300 to have the roach-infested couch removed from our lanai back when I lived in Palolo. Man! You could buy a new couch for that! Sometimes it's advantageous to stroll a few blocks away from home and seek out abandoned book shelves... but for the most part, it's just a sad state of affairs. I just heard a terrible tale about the Ala Wai canal the other day that I won't even go into... but basically, it's toxic soup.
All in all, I've seen a lot since moving to Hawaii and have had some amazing adventures. I've acquired a taste for sushi, have effectively mastered the bus system, seen three islands, basked in the sun at multiple beaches, seen rainforests of bamboo, waterfalls... yeah. It's a pretty awesome place to explore. I do miss "weather," though. No thunderstorms, and very few heavy rainfalls. It gets boring to always have it be sunny or misting. I get bored with monotony. It is true in the career field and it is true in my living environment. Things get too comfortable and... BAM!! I need a change. I'm not a nomad, really, but I like to shake things up a bit. I suppose that's where Oscar the dog comes in...
Oscar is a little bit of a drama queen. Since he's arrived, he has done his part to remain the center of attention. Not always in a good way. While I was visiting the Big Island, he started a fight with an off-leash dog that looked his mirror-image, which to his credit wasn't entirely his fault since he was on-leash. He has continually menaced all neighboring dog-walkers protecting their toy breeds. He doesn't seem to understand what I'm doing when I have to weave between parked cars so that he doesn't see the Bichon approaching. It's kinda out of control. I walk him plenty every day and he certainly has his 'Breed Embassador' moments, but I just can't seem to break him of that small animal prey drive. Last week he tried to fit my new roommate's cat in his mouth. I had to pry his jaws off of the poor thing. I think it was a traumatic but necessary initiation for both the new roommate and the cat... but I don't want it to happen again. I am going to start looking for a personal trainer to help me gain control over my powerful and completely obnoxious canine. Maybe Cesar Milan will make a trip here to work with the animal kingdom in my apartment. To date, we now house 5 cats and 3 dogs. It's gotta be breaking the health code, but I'm not saying a word. Apartment hunting for a place that allows a big dog is just too hard.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
What You Cannot Predict
Sometimes, no matter what you do and how cautiously you prepare for disaster, you have to confront the biggest fear of all: not having control over others.
One of my two new roommates dragged his mattress out of his room into the parking lot this morning. After less than a minute, I knew why, and I wasn't very happy about it. You see... this roommate found this "free" mattress a few weeks before moving to the new apartment. He had been sleeping on it for over three months. It was to my dismay that he just NOW discovered it was INFESTED WITH BEDBUGS.
Yeah, I've seen it all now.
He had bites like a rash all over his back and arms, and was sad when I told him that he would need to do a hell of a lot more than just remove his mattress to get rid of them. "Oh, really?" he asked innocently... YES. Remove the box spring, too. YES, the bedding, and YES, the memory foam you had on top of the mattress that you cannot possibly wash. YES, you need to go to the store and buy a bug bomb and some spray and whatever else they have. NO, spraying the carpet down with Windex is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
This roommate is a great living example of why you should never smoke pot.
Several days later, I discover bed bugs in MY carpet. Fuck that. Roommate confrontation. Get the bug bombs. We're blowing the place.
I'm happy to report that one week later, after I have bombed, vacuumed and shampooed my carpet, diligently changed my sheets once a day and after countless hours of lost sleep worrying about every little tickle on my skin, I have not seen a live bug in my room.
I will say that I think I prefer the occasional flying cockroach over bedbugs. Happily.
One of my two new roommates dragged his mattress out of his room into the parking lot this morning. After less than a minute, I knew why, and I wasn't very happy about it. You see... this roommate found this "free" mattress a few weeks before moving to the new apartment. He had been sleeping on it for over three months. It was to my dismay that he just NOW discovered it was INFESTED WITH BEDBUGS.
Yeah, I've seen it all now.
He had bites like a rash all over his back and arms, and was sad when I told him that he would need to do a hell of a lot more than just remove his mattress to get rid of them. "Oh, really?" he asked innocently... YES. Remove the box spring, too. YES, the bedding, and YES, the memory foam you had on top of the mattress that you cannot possibly wash. YES, you need to go to the store and buy a bug bomb and some spray and whatever else they have. NO, spraying the carpet down with Windex is NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
This roommate is a great living example of why you should never smoke pot.
Several days later, I discover bed bugs in MY carpet. Fuck that. Roommate confrontation. Get the bug bombs. We're blowing the place.
I'm happy to report that one week later, after I have bombed, vacuumed and shampooed my carpet, diligently changed my sheets once a day and after countless hours of lost sleep worrying about every little tickle on my skin, I have not seen a live bug in my room.
I will say that I think I prefer the occasional flying cockroach over bedbugs. Happily.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Confronting Fear
Sometimes a girl just wants to be saved.
Yes, that sure would be nice... my prince in shining armor, gallantly sweeping me off of my feet, off to his enchanting palace, happily ever after. Tralala.
While I wait for Prince Charming, I'm taking steps towards self-improvement. Demons from life's disappointments have a way of haunting you. I have decided to stop running. They will follow me everywhere. I will always fear abandonment so as long as I let it scare me. If you never walk forward, you will remain in the same place.
This month, the month of March, I have become my own brave warrior, true to my name. I have pulled myself up by the bootstraps and begun a very scary journey to unearth all that has prevented me from growing.
I find it amusing when people criticize self-help books. Are they afraid of them? Are the books a threat to themselves? To their own fears? I am not afraid of books. Every time I read one, no matter how terrible, I learn something. Sometimes I learn I hate the writing style or the author. Sometimes I fall in love with characters. Sometimes I learn the truth. As I trollop through the Summer of my existence, I am entering a spiritual forest of books. They wait mysteriously in Barnes & Noble, the sign 'Self Help' looming above, customers' eyes leering sideways glances at me as they scurry past the aisle... but I'm not afraid of books. I'm afraid of admitting I have some hurdles to jump on my way to happiness. I'm afraid of other peoples' judgment, and I'm not even sure why.
Each day is a struggle to remain centered and conscious in my present state. I can't dwell on my old life, but when I lost my phone early in the month on the derby trip to Seattle, I lost a piece of my past. It was a devastating blow. I didn't see it coming. Sprint doesn't save your contacts, so when that phone was lost on the side of a freeway during a drunk derby girl potty break, I lost every connection I had. One fell swoop. I lost numbers of family, good friends, old friends, new friends. I lost every contact from Minnesota. I lost my safety net of fallback numbers to call when I was extremely lonely. At the closing of this month, new phone in hand, I realize how important that safety net was to me. I am feeling very alone, and have only a handful of numbers in my replacement phone. They are mostly local derby girls and immediate family members. I have recovered the real network that I have in my existence, rid of the entries that were never truly there for me... but because I could see them in my phone, I thought they existed. I have now accepted that those lost contacts are gone. I see those people on Facebook and know that they are shells of my past, and no longer a part of my present. I hate it. I hate knowing that I lost friends. Not maliciously, not because of something bad, but because I made a huge choice; I left. I have to sleep alone and I have to eat alone. I have to spend entire nights alone. I have a dog and an ipod, a laptop and a radio. I have internet and I have family that loves me. I have less old friends than I thought, and they are far away. I have new friends that I barely know and of whom I rarely see. I have a hobby that consumes 4 nights a week, and a job that I have given up on. I have no plan for future and am starting to accept that I have abandoned my past.
Now is the time to get to work on what has held me back, what scares me, what causes me anxiety and sadness, what that barrier is that causes my relationships to fail, where my passions lie, what to pursue in life, what it is about myself that I can improve.. to grow into the best person I can be. Really. Self is all you can fix. I can't control other people's actions, and I can't make a person love me. I can love myself and create a happy existence for myself, and along the way find hope that I will conquer my fears.
Now is the time.
Tonight I'm going to dinner and a movie alone for the first time in my life.
Yes, that sure would be nice... my prince in shining armor, gallantly sweeping me off of my feet, off to his enchanting palace, happily ever after. Tralala.
While I wait for Prince Charming, I'm taking steps towards self-improvement. Demons from life's disappointments have a way of haunting you. I have decided to stop running. They will follow me everywhere. I will always fear abandonment so as long as I let it scare me. If you never walk forward, you will remain in the same place.
This month, the month of March, I have become my own brave warrior, true to my name. I have pulled myself up by the bootstraps and begun a very scary journey to unearth all that has prevented me from growing.
I find it amusing when people criticize self-help books. Are they afraid of them? Are the books a threat to themselves? To their own fears? I am not afraid of books. Every time I read one, no matter how terrible, I learn something. Sometimes I learn I hate the writing style or the author. Sometimes I fall in love with characters. Sometimes I learn the truth. As I trollop through the Summer of my existence, I am entering a spiritual forest of books. They wait mysteriously in Barnes & Noble, the sign 'Self Help' looming above, customers' eyes leering sideways glances at me as they scurry past the aisle... but I'm not afraid of books. I'm afraid of admitting I have some hurdles to jump on my way to happiness. I'm afraid of other peoples' judgment, and I'm not even sure why.
Each day is a struggle to remain centered and conscious in my present state. I can't dwell on my old life, but when I lost my phone early in the month on the derby trip to Seattle, I lost a piece of my past. It was a devastating blow. I didn't see it coming. Sprint doesn't save your contacts, so when that phone was lost on the side of a freeway during a drunk derby girl potty break, I lost every connection I had. One fell swoop. I lost numbers of family, good friends, old friends, new friends. I lost every contact from Minnesota. I lost my safety net of fallback numbers to call when I was extremely lonely. At the closing of this month, new phone in hand, I realize how important that safety net was to me. I am feeling very alone, and have only a handful of numbers in my replacement phone. They are mostly local derby girls and immediate family members. I have recovered the real network that I have in my existence, rid of the entries that were never truly there for me... but because I could see them in my phone, I thought they existed. I have now accepted that those lost contacts are gone. I see those people on Facebook and know that they are shells of my past, and no longer a part of my present. I hate it. I hate knowing that I lost friends. Not maliciously, not because of something bad, but because I made a huge choice; I left. I have to sleep alone and I have to eat alone. I have to spend entire nights alone. I have a dog and an ipod, a laptop and a radio. I have internet and I have family that loves me. I have less old friends than I thought, and they are far away. I have new friends that I barely know and of whom I rarely see. I have a hobby that consumes 4 nights a week, and a job that I have given up on. I have no plan for future and am starting to accept that I have abandoned my past.
Now is the time to get to work on what has held me back, what scares me, what causes me anxiety and sadness, what that barrier is that causes my relationships to fail, where my passions lie, what to pursue in life, what it is about myself that I can improve.. to grow into the best person I can be. Really. Self is all you can fix. I can't control other people's actions, and I can't make a person love me. I can love myself and create a happy existence for myself, and along the way find hope that I will conquer my fears.
Now is the time.
Tonight I'm going to dinner and a movie alone for the first time in my life.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Bronchitis in Paradise
That's right, folks! It's possible to be miserable in paradise. This time it isn't nuclear-proof insects and money woes... it's good old-fashioned GERMS!
Thanks to a lovely Minnesota cold brought over on the plane by my mother dearest, I have spent the past three weeks coughing my guts out! Today I broke down and went to the doctor, who immediately prescribed me antibiotics and codeine, and then demanded I return on Monday so he could be sure I was improving. Apparently I make doctors nervous. Hahaha!
Well, if he had known how I flew on a red-eye to and from Seattle this past weekend to play three games of roller derby in the Wild West Showdown tournament against teams ranked in the top 20 of the nation, he may not have let me leave the hospital... but I have a season opener tomorrow, dammit, and I'll be damned if I roll over and let the Villians take home a victory!
Tonight Oscar (my trusty sidekick and dogge extraordinaire)accompanied me to "First Friday" in downtown Honolulu, Chinatown, where we flyered up and down the streets to promote derby despite losing our venue a few nights ago. Apparently not many people take too kindly to roller derby in Hawaii, and even though the military was doing their best to cater to us, they got word from above that we breached security code by being on the premises, and were told we may no longer play or practice there. :( BUMMER!!
But in light of true roller derby spirit, the show must go on.
So.
Back to duking it out for practice time with the Hawaii Kai outdoor Roller Hockey league. They've been pretty generous with us, but I don't know how much longer our league can support itself without being able to charge admission. Sigh.
Derby is the main drama in my life now, as work obstacles fade in importance and I decide to move away from caring about the future of the program I've been trying so hard to sustain. Some things just aren't meant to be, and sometimes energy just shouldn't be wasted. So I comply with their demands and bide my time, serving my sentence, debating what step I should take next. I should probably start thinking about that.
Oscar certainly fills my void when it comes to love and affection, and I've been having a pretty good time relaxing after a visit from my parents. It was great to see them, but their departure marked the end of almost two months of nonstop visitors and entertaining. WHEW!!! They aren't kidding about "tourist season!" I will go home for a visit in June and it will be a good break from consistent weather... but until then, I'm lapping it up.
Ahh. *Cough*
Thanks to a lovely Minnesota cold brought over on the plane by my mother dearest, I have spent the past three weeks coughing my guts out! Today I broke down and went to the doctor, who immediately prescribed me antibiotics and codeine, and then demanded I return on Monday so he could be sure I was improving. Apparently I make doctors nervous. Hahaha!
Well, if he had known how I flew on a red-eye to and from Seattle this past weekend to play three games of roller derby in the Wild West Showdown tournament against teams ranked in the top 20 of the nation, he may not have let me leave the hospital... but I have a season opener tomorrow, dammit, and I'll be damned if I roll over and let the Villians take home a victory!
Tonight Oscar (my trusty sidekick and dogge extraordinaire)accompanied me to "First Friday" in downtown Honolulu, Chinatown, where we flyered up and down the streets to promote derby despite losing our venue a few nights ago. Apparently not many people take too kindly to roller derby in Hawaii, and even though the military was doing their best to cater to us, they got word from above that we breached security code by being on the premises, and were told we may no longer play or practice there. :( BUMMER!!
But in light of true roller derby spirit, the show must go on.
So.
Back to duking it out for practice time with the Hawaii Kai outdoor Roller Hockey league. They've been pretty generous with us, but I don't know how much longer our league can support itself without being able to charge admission. Sigh.
Derby is the main drama in my life now, as work obstacles fade in importance and I decide to move away from caring about the future of the program I've been trying so hard to sustain. Some things just aren't meant to be, and sometimes energy just shouldn't be wasted. So I comply with their demands and bide my time, serving my sentence, debating what step I should take next. I should probably start thinking about that.
Oscar certainly fills my void when it comes to love and affection, and I've been having a pretty good time relaxing after a visit from my parents. It was great to see them, but their departure marked the end of almost two months of nonstop visitors and entertaining. WHEW!!! They aren't kidding about "tourist season!" I will go home for a visit in June and it will be a good break from consistent weather... but until then, I'm lapping it up.
Ahh. *Cough*
Monday, February 1, 2010
Hawaii Punishes Pet Owners
I love animals. I love my dog. I love that other people are as into pets as I am. They are loyal companions and excellent roommates that never bitch at you for forgetting to buy toilet paper or coming home late. They will patiently cross their legs for ten hours when you have to work a crazy double shift, and they are always happy to see you.
I relocated to Hawaii to be a volunteer for an accredited governmental program assisting the war on poverty. I make less than minimum wage and qualify for food stamps. I am rewarded for my service to America and my relocation to another state with incredulous amounts of paperwork and a 4 month waiting period in order to bring my dog along, with bucketloads of stress to find affordable housing in my meager price range that allows him. Affordable housing is hard enough. Figure in a 50 lb dog and a poverty level budget, and you have yourself a challenge. Getting him here is yet another.
Hawaii animal control says that this system is in place to keep Hawaii a "rabies-free island," which I do not refute. I have no problem with their need to keep rabies off the island. What I DO have a problem with is making someone like myself, who has ALWAYS kept my dog's vaccinations up-to-date, go through as many hoops as a zoo animal trafficker from Africa. They make it nearly impossible with confusing paperwork trails and deadlines, blood samples, restrictions and fees. My pet must be current on all vaccinations to fly, which certifies that my dog does not have, nor has ever been able to have, rabies. Since he has always been current, he is vaccinated against contracting rabies. Why must I have bloodwork done, then, which takes 4 months to process, and costs hundreds of dollars? It makes no sense. Add that to the administrative processing fees, vet fees for completing paperwork and flight costs, and I'm looking at over a thousand dollars to bring my dog over. I'm doing it because he's worth it to me... but come on. Is all of this really necessary, or is the state making some serious money off of my compromised situation? I see it as an unfair tax on compassionate pet owners who don't want to give up their pets just because they're relocating. Instead, they should be thanking me for keeping him out of the pound and attributing to the homeless animal crisis.
Hawaii is not unlike any other state when it comes to its population regarding animals as "disposable." A gifted puppy for xmas turns into #1024 at the pound by summer, and thousands of "pets" are euthanized yearly. One main difference that I am enormously aware of with Hawaii, however, is an intolerance for pets in rental properties. This problem for pet owners is not unique nationwide, but in Hawaii, where most rental properties are owned by investors (most who don't even LIVE on the island), pets are not allowed. Period. If there is a rare exception, the pet must be under 25 lbs, which limits rentals to owners of chihuahuas, other small breeds, and cats. Why landlord investors think a chihuahua or a cat is less of a threat to their investment than a golden retriever, I cannot possibly understand. They can wreak just as much havoc, bite just as many people, bark just as much... or be just as innocent. It has a lot more to do with the owner and how they manage their pet (this runs parallel to discrimination that bully breeds and other working-class dogs face. I won't even go into Breed Specific Legislation and blatent discrimination against how a dog looks). Not allowing pets is open discrimination against pet owners.
Medium to large dog owners like myself are constantly threatened by the ending of a lease. Not having a pet-friendly rental lined up within a month (you just can't find one sooner) could mean that I must either smuggle my dog onto the premises and risk eviction, rehome him (if I'm lucky) or give him up to a local shelter. Many distraught pet owners must face the sad reality of discarding their beloved pet like trash in order to avoid being homeless, dumping Fido at the shelter. Some take the chance of having their pet find a new owner by setting them "free" into a park in hopes someone that can will take them home. It's absolutely horrifying to think about having to give up my dog. I don't even want to consider it as an option.
Thanks, Hawaii, for making pet ownership hell.
I relocated to Hawaii to be a volunteer for an accredited governmental program assisting the war on poverty. I make less than minimum wage and qualify for food stamps. I am rewarded for my service to America and my relocation to another state with incredulous amounts of paperwork and a 4 month waiting period in order to bring my dog along, with bucketloads of stress to find affordable housing in my meager price range that allows him. Affordable housing is hard enough. Figure in a 50 lb dog and a poverty level budget, and you have yourself a challenge. Getting him here is yet another.
Hawaii animal control says that this system is in place to keep Hawaii a "rabies-free island," which I do not refute. I have no problem with their need to keep rabies off the island. What I DO have a problem with is making someone like myself, who has ALWAYS kept my dog's vaccinations up-to-date, go through as many hoops as a zoo animal trafficker from Africa. They make it nearly impossible with confusing paperwork trails and deadlines, blood samples, restrictions and fees. My pet must be current on all vaccinations to fly, which certifies that my dog does not have, nor has ever been able to have, rabies. Since he has always been current, he is vaccinated against contracting rabies. Why must I have bloodwork done, then, which takes 4 months to process, and costs hundreds of dollars? It makes no sense. Add that to the administrative processing fees, vet fees for completing paperwork and flight costs, and I'm looking at over a thousand dollars to bring my dog over. I'm doing it because he's worth it to me... but come on. Is all of this really necessary, or is the state making some serious money off of my compromised situation? I see it as an unfair tax on compassionate pet owners who don't want to give up their pets just because they're relocating. Instead, they should be thanking me for keeping him out of the pound and attributing to the homeless animal crisis.
Hawaii is not unlike any other state when it comes to its population regarding animals as "disposable." A gifted puppy for xmas turns into #1024 at the pound by summer, and thousands of "pets" are euthanized yearly. One main difference that I am enormously aware of with Hawaii, however, is an intolerance for pets in rental properties. This problem for pet owners is not unique nationwide, but in Hawaii, where most rental properties are owned by investors (most who don't even LIVE on the island), pets are not allowed. Period. If there is a rare exception, the pet must be under 25 lbs, which limits rentals to owners of chihuahuas, other small breeds, and cats. Why landlord investors think a chihuahua or a cat is less of a threat to their investment than a golden retriever, I cannot possibly understand. They can wreak just as much havoc, bite just as many people, bark just as much... or be just as innocent. It has a lot more to do with the owner and how they manage their pet (this runs parallel to discrimination that bully breeds and other working-class dogs face. I won't even go into Breed Specific Legislation and blatent discrimination against how a dog looks). Not allowing pets is open discrimination against pet owners.
Medium to large dog owners like myself are constantly threatened by the ending of a lease. Not having a pet-friendly rental lined up within a month (you just can't find one sooner) could mean that I must either smuggle my dog onto the premises and risk eviction, rehome him (if I'm lucky) or give him up to a local shelter. Many distraught pet owners must face the sad reality of discarding their beloved pet like trash in order to avoid being homeless, dumping Fido at the shelter. Some take the chance of having their pet find a new owner by setting them "free" into a park in hopes someone that can will take them home. It's absolutely horrifying to think about having to give up my dog. I don't even want to consider it as an option.
Thanks, Hawaii, for making pet ownership hell.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
My Soul Is a Calm, Blue Ocean
The tide has receded, and the surf has subsided. Amidst the beach foam and fallen branches, the storm that has passed leaves me with feelings of relief, sublimation and catharsis. I'm a survivor, and my nightmare of a living situation has almost come to a close.
I have a new place lined up for February that will allow Oscar to come join me that borders Queen Lili‘uokalani Garden, complete with a swimming pool and a bbq area with a natural waterfall. I will be able to cook in my kitchen without bumping elbows with my roommates (the new ones don't cook), and I will no longer have to bear termites, roaches, mice and rats. I have a ten block walk to Chinatown and a clear head. I have a renewed sense of optimism that I have made the right decision in coming to Hawaii, and a light heart about taking back my dog. Perhaps now I can start to enjoy the weather.
I will, however, be a lot poorer. My rent has gone up by $150 extra a month, which will cause a considerable financial strain. Luckily, I have stuck with the new year's resolution of not drinking and have cut back on extracurriculars with the departure of my visiting mainland friends. I forgot how easy it was to spend money when friends are around. Eek!
We had our Sk808 Derby Tournament earlier this month, and I think it was a very well orchestrated success. I came out unscathed and landed some nice hits... and though I was a part of the team that took last place, we had a lot of fun and fought til the end. My favorite play was when I was in as a jammer... I avoided a four girl pileup by jumping over the mass, and went on to score four points. Man. I wish I had a photo of that. I keep playing it over and over in my head. I love those moments. They remind me that I don't always fall down.
Looking forward to February when mom, dad, and the dog come. Hoping to live as frugally as possible until then.
On that note... I'm looking for a sponsor for my acupuncture treatments. I just can't cut the $35 a week price tag. Any suggestions?
I have a new place lined up for February that will allow Oscar to come join me that borders Queen Lili‘uokalani Garden, complete with a swimming pool and a bbq area with a natural waterfall. I will be able to cook in my kitchen without bumping elbows with my roommates (the new ones don't cook), and I will no longer have to bear termites, roaches, mice and rats. I have a ten block walk to Chinatown and a clear head. I have a renewed sense of optimism that I have made the right decision in coming to Hawaii, and a light heart about taking back my dog. Perhaps now I can start to enjoy the weather.
I will, however, be a lot poorer. My rent has gone up by $150 extra a month, which will cause a considerable financial strain. Luckily, I have stuck with the new year's resolution of not drinking and have cut back on extracurriculars with the departure of my visiting mainland friends. I forgot how easy it was to spend money when friends are around. Eek!
We had our Sk808 Derby Tournament earlier this month, and I think it was a very well orchestrated success. I came out unscathed and landed some nice hits... and though I was a part of the team that took last place, we had a lot of fun and fought til the end. My favorite play was when I was in as a jammer... I avoided a four girl pileup by jumping over the mass, and went on to score four points. Man. I wish I had a photo of that. I keep playing it over and over in my head. I love those moments. They remind me that I don't always fall down.
Looking forward to February when mom, dad, and the dog come. Hoping to live as frugally as possible until then.
On that note... I'm looking for a sponsor for my acupuncture treatments. I just can't cut the $35 a week price tag. Any suggestions?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Ancient Chinese Secrets
It was my New Year's resolution to myself: Find an alternative treatment for migraine prevention and make it happen.
I'm so sick of migraines. They have plaqued my existence since high school and are dehabilitating. I lose sleep, I spend days in a daze, I lose jobs, I lose out on social events, I suffer in silence and cry myself to sleep. I lose boyfriends. I lose patience. I lose self-esteem. I lose my lunch. To my credit, my migraines aren't always caused by alcohol. I just know that was the case in this instance.. but really, I can have a bad run of insomnia or work-related stress and end up on my back just the same. Should I live my life in a protective bubble, staying in on New Year's Eve to do yoga, going to bed at 10pm after chugging a gallon of water? Maybe. But... do I like to take risks?
Haha... Yes =)
I occasionally gamble. On January 1st and 2nd, I lost.
New Year's Eve was fantastic. The migraine was equally... fantastic.
Our evening started on a tame note and ended with my visiting friend from MN cooking breakfast in a penthouse for a bunch of drunken people. Without really breaking it down into specifics, the evening was entertaining to say the least and involved fireworks going off like it was Armageddon throughout the city, multiple swanky venues and interesting people, some crazy fake mustaches, sobercab chauffeurs, VIP status, and oh yes... a penthouse overlooking the entire glittering city of Honolulu. I never know what will happen here. I don't know why I'm still surprised. I should just expect adventure around every corner.
We left the penthouse as the sun began to rise and walked back to the condo that we've been fortunate enough to stay in for the past week, and that's when the trouble really began. I did have some descretion in my drink choices and attempted to make proper decisions, but without prescription medication, I was ill-equipped and in a bad spot. "It's just a hangover," people tell me... but they don't get MY hangovers. Add up all of the triggers... an alcoholic beverage (it only takes one sometimes), dehydration, sleep deprivation, stress.. and you have my moltov cocktail ingredients for one whopper of a migraine. It lasted for 2 1/2 days, ending only by the grace of... ancient Chinese secrets.
Now it really gets interesting.
After the first initial day of "hangover," including a drive to the North Shore that I couldn't get out of (and a horrible night's sleep that was really just me silently gasping in horror at the condition of my throbbing brain), I allowed my good Minnesota friend to guide me into Chinatown. I was desperate. Acupuncture was my last resort before going to the ER. I hate shots of Demerol and the hours of waiting, so I thought a few hundred needles in my forehead--or maybe a lobotomy--would be better. I could barely see. I was blinded by pain. We arrived, and after a little fuss, I was put in the back room behind a curtain. I have no idea what happened to my good friend. I think she wandered around Chinatown in search of a casket.
I remember them asking me some questions, and me mumbling something like "migraine, pain, help." I think they got the picture. My eye was running, teeth clenched, my brain close to exploding, and they probably thought I might kill them if they didn't subdue me. Then I was on my side facing a white wall. I was at their mercy. The needles were pricked into the top of my head, along my hairline, into my temple, down my neck, down my spine, around my shoulder blade, into my wrists. I don't know how many. I didn't even feel them. I honestly felt like being hit over the head with a club would have helped take the edge off.
Next, I received a special Chinatown surprise. I don't even know if this is legal...
Each tiny needle had a tiny wire clamped onto it. Pulses of electricity tapped away in code. I imagined them sending my brain SOS signals.. or waving tiny white flags. I lay motionless on my side through this process, for every shift of my jaw or brow sent horrible pain into my temple. I was a little scared to move. An egg timer went off after what seemed like a long time, and the next phase began.
Wires were removed, and "cupping" therapy began. Oh my!! Hollow glass "cups," the size of baseballs, round and smooth and clear, were heated, dipped in alcohol, then suctioned all over my neck and back. I am fortunate to have a high pain threshold. I felt like I was being attacked by an octopus (or maybe a junior high boy with bad aim). I lay there, still in pain, until the next egg timer went off. The cups were removed, and a soothing ointment that I can't pronounce was laquered onto my back and neck. I am certain it was liquid vicodin. It felt great. I bought some for the road.
An hour later, this whole debacle was over and I was paying for my treatment. I still had the headache, though now I could see straight and I didn't want to kill. I was to come back in a few days for a second treatment (because chronic migraines take several treatments). As a consolation prize to remind myself of how much fun I was having, the Cupping therapy left gigantic bruises all over my back. I look like a torture victim. I'm a derby girl, yet ashamed. I gotta say... they're kind of hard to explain. At least with derby, I can just say, "I play roller derby." How do I explain a back full of perfectly symmetrical, baseball-sized bruises?
I learned a lot about Chinatown that day, especially these two lessons:
#1: Ancient Chinese Secrets will be disclosed to you IF you don't ask questions and IF you are brave enough to go back several times, and
#2: Don't purchase bananas from the first vendor you see.
I've had two treatments now and will need to go back in another week. If I remain migraine-free for over a week, I can slowly go up to receiving these treatments once every other week, then every three, then four, and so on. If that happens, I will be paying 1/4 the price of western medicine co-pay and prescription costs, which makes a big dent in my monthly budget. Just imagine. me... MIGRAINE-FREE!!
It's good to take risks. Even when you end up blind in Chinatown.
ps. In other news, my EBT card stopped working for a few days and then started again, and the house in which I reside is now being auctioned off. Surprise!!
The adventure continues.
I'm so sick of migraines. They have plaqued my existence since high school and are dehabilitating. I lose sleep, I spend days in a daze, I lose jobs, I lose out on social events, I suffer in silence and cry myself to sleep. I lose boyfriends. I lose patience. I lose self-esteem. I lose my lunch. To my credit, my migraines aren't always caused by alcohol. I just know that was the case in this instance.. but really, I can have a bad run of insomnia or work-related stress and end up on my back just the same. Should I live my life in a protective bubble, staying in on New Year's Eve to do yoga, going to bed at 10pm after chugging a gallon of water? Maybe. But... do I like to take risks?
Haha... Yes =)
I occasionally gamble. On January 1st and 2nd, I lost.
New Year's Eve was fantastic. The migraine was equally... fantastic.
Our evening started on a tame note and ended with my visiting friend from MN cooking breakfast in a penthouse for a bunch of drunken people. Without really breaking it down into specifics, the evening was entertaining to say the least and involved fireworks going off like it was Armageddon throughout the city, multiple swanky venues and interesting people, some crazy fake mustaches, sobercab chauffeurs, VIP status, and oh yes... a penthouse overlooking the entire glittering city of Honolulu. I never know what will happen here. I don't know why I'm still surprised. I should just expect adventure around every corner.
We left the penthouse as the sun began to rise and walked back to the condo that we've been fortunate enough to stay in for the past week, and that's when the trouble really began. I did have some descretion in my drink choices and attempted to make proper decisions, but without prescription medication, I was ill-equipped and in a bad spot. "It's just a hangover," people tell me... but they don't get MY hangovers. Add up all of the triggers... an alcoholic beverage (it only takes one sometimes), dehydration, sleep deprivation, stress.. and you have my moltov cocktail ingredients for one whopper of a migraine. It lasted for 2 1/2 days, ending only by the grace of... ancient Chinese secrets.
Now it really gets interesting.
After the first initial day of "hangover," including a drive to the North Shore that I couldn't get out of (and a horrible night's sleep that was really just me silently gasping in horror at the condition of my throbbing brain), I allowed my good Minnesota friend to guide me into Chinatown. I was desperate. Acupuncture was my last resort before going to the ER. I hate shots of Demerol and the hours of waiting, so I thought a few hundred needles in my forehead--or maybe a lobotomy--would be better. I could barely see. I was blinded by pain. We arrived, and after a little fuss, I was put in the back room behind a curtain. I have no idea what happened to my good friend. I think she wandered around Chinatown in search of a casket.
I remember them asking me some questions, and me mumbling something like "migraine, pain, help." I think they got the picture. My eye was running, teeth clenched, my brain close to exploding, and they probably thought I might kill them if they didn't subdue me. Then I was on my side facing a white wall. I was at their mercy. The needles were pricked into the top of my head, along my hairline, into my temple, down my neck, down my spine, around my shoulder blade, into my wrists. I don't know how many. I didn't even feel them. I honestly felt like being hit over the head with a club would have helped take the edge off.
Next, I received a special Chinatown surprise. I don't even know if this is legal...
Each tiny needle had a tiny wire clamped onto it. Pulses of electricity tapped away in code. I imagined them sending my brain SOS signals.. or waving tiny white flags. I lay motionless on my side through this process, for every shift of my jaw or brow sent horrible pain into my temple. I was a little scared to move. An egg timer went off after what seemed like a long time, and the next phase began.
Wires were removed, and "cupping" therapy began. Oh my!! Hollow glass "cups," the size of baseballs, round and smooth and clear, were heated, dipped in alcohol, then suctioned all over my neck and back. I am fortunate to have a high pain threshold. I felt like I was being attacked by an octopus (or maybe a junior high boy with bad aim). I lay there, still in pain, until the next egg timer went off. The cups were removed, and a soothing ointment that I can't pronounce was laquered onto my back and neck. I am certain it was liquid vicodin. It felt great. I bought some for the road.
An hour later, this whole debacle was over and I was paying for my treatment. I still had the headache, though now I could see straight and I didn't want to kill. I was to come back in a few days for a second treatment (because chronic migraines take several treatments). As a consolation prize to remind myself of how much fun I was having, the Cupping therapy left gigantic bruises all over my back. I look like a torture victim. I'm a derby girl, yet ashamed. I gotta say... they're kind of hard to explain. At least with derby, I can just say, "I play roller derby." How do I explain a back full of perfectly symmetrical, baseball-sized bruises?
I learned a lot about Chinatown that day, especially these two lessons:
#1: Ancient Chinese Secrets will be disclosed to you IF you don't ask questions and IF you are brave enough to go back several times, and
#2: Don't purchase bananas from the first vendor you see.
I've had two treatments now and will need to go back in another week. If I remain migraine-free for over a week, I can slowly go up to receiving these treatments once every other week, then every three, then four, and so on. If that happens, I will be paying 1/4 the price of western medicine co-pay and prescription costs, which makes a big dent in my monthly budget. Just imagine. me... MIGRAINE-FREE!!
It's good to take risks. Even when you end up blind in Chinatown.
ps. In other news, my EBT card stopped working for a few days and then started again, and the house in which I reside is now being auctioned off. Surprise!!
The adventure continues.
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