Tasmanian devils are adorable until they eat

So, Australia was pretty epic. There were so many crazy adventures and weird experiences that I have no idea where to start...

I guess maybe with the whole reason for being there... the derby clinic. First off, two of the local papers called Misfit and I "International Roller Derby Stars," making me so nervous and embarrassed that I just about crawled in my skin. That's a hella lot of pressure! Luckily, their eyes only stayed big and starstruck upon our arrival to the clinic for the first half hour or so. Then they started to loathe us. We have really awesome endurance drills, apparently ;)
Part of what was so amazing, despite the fact that this was 10 leagues and about 150 girls, was that it was all organized by the Victorian Roller Sports Commission, led by a really cool woman who likes the derby and likes where it is headed. The ten leagues got together to do the clinic because the big league in their state, VRDL, wasn't assisting them or helping them in any way to get organized and figure out how to go about things. They brought Misfit and I in to help structure their practices and teach them drills to work on basic skills and simple strategy. Most of the skaters had never been in a bout and only a few had ever scrimmaged, so really, we were working from the ground up. They were super enthusiastic about learning new things and were really respectful of Misfit and myself, and they didn't even groan when I made them do push ups for talking while I was explaining drills..

So the clinic was two 6-hour days, with a barrage of derby stuff. Misfit and I would powwow before each day to go over what drills each of us was doing and when we would switch groups, and by the end of the weekend, I had an amazing list of new material that Misfit added to my existing spreadsheet! I'm super pumped to have such a valuable resource. The clinic was a huge success and they are already talking about bringing the two of us back in January, when all of the teams will be ready to start bouting. I am really excited about that prospect, but I don't want to get my hopes up. It's pretty tough to get away from work for that long. I hope it works out.

After we did the clinic, Blondage (the rollergirl that put us up), Misfit, TnTeegs (another skater) and myself took an adventure trip to Tasmania! We had a blast. We did a ghost tour of Port Allen, wore tiger print Snuggies in public at every opportunity, and generally made an ass of ourselves on a regular basis. The funniest part was that I was fully expecting to have to deal with a lot of drunken nights where I was babysitting three adult babies. That wasn't the case at all. Contrary to the party girl image that many derby girls portray, we barely went out! Any drinking was brief and in moderation as I sipped cocoa before bed. We're a bunch of Nanas! Haha Oh well. Shh! Don't tell anyone! We like sleep!

After a very exciting trip, we returned to Melbourne area and taught two more day clinics for two different leagues, reinforcing some of the drills we had done in the camp. It was a great experience and a great time. I hope I can figure out how to do more of this derby clinic stuff. It really suits me ;)

Australia, so soon!

OMG I am such a procrastinator! I've been putting off formulating some sort of a curriculum for this clinic, but really I have no idea what I'm going to put on it! I have received an email list of a few things they would like to cover, but I'm coordinating the entire clinic with Misfit over emails as she is traveling all over New Zealand and Australia and not available to have a phone conversation :/

I just have to trust that all of this will come together somehow. It's weird to think I'm leaving the country in a week and have nothing but that to prepare for. Passport in hand, dog care squared away, timesheets ready to go. I have unfortunately been shorted hours on my timecard, but maybe that will pull through for me when I get the "short" check from missing two weeks of work. This is the time when I miss "paid" vacation time.

Totally ready to have an adventure. It has been far too long since I took a trip!

Plugging Away

Trying to keep my head above water, picking up odds and ends jobs to fill in my time, tutoring, teaching art, eating too much food, procrastinating making my art piece for the Rourke Art Gallery show. Sounds like your average day in Anywhereville, USA. Slowly losing contact with friends back in MN. That part is a little depressing, but such is life. Constantly evolving, always moving forward, shapeshifting and throwing obstacles in our paths to overcome. Still doing the derby clinic with the newbies, and we're getting ready to test out. I think only a few are going to make it as many of the girls have dropped due to life circumstances. It will all be worth it if just two of them make it to the test out...

Tsunami Warnings, Dog Attacks, and Other Surprises

Just plugging along over here, in the middle of the Pacific ocean.

There was a 8.9 earthquake on the coast of Japan a few weeks back. Tsunami warnings sent all of Hawaii to the hilltops and Japan had a devastating surge of ocean wipe out cities in minutes. Luckily, it was just another false alarm on Kauai. Big Island and Maui received some damage from the ripple effect, but all in all, Japan loses. I watched on news clips as an ocean of black water, debris, and flames swallowed buildings and sent cruise ships and passenger trains to the depths of the sea. The earthquake had rattled the coolant systems useless in their nuclear power plant and sent the entire country of Japan, Hawaii, and part of the West Coast of the U.S. into a panic of potassium iodide tablet purchases. Entire towns near the nuclear plant were evacuated as rumors of another Chernobyl spread like wildfire.

I had friends from all over calling to see if I was alive the day after the tsunami warning, and even though I was safely tucked in my bed that night on the top of a mountain ridge, I was watching Japan disappear on the news and thinking I might possibly die, too. Was that wave coming HERE? The countdown was the worst. We knew it was coming for hours. How big was not determined. Kauai would be hit first among the islands, which in my mind meant we would see the biggest surge. As I read about how a tsunami works, wrapping around my island from all sides and pushing everything in its path forward in a giant rush of tide, panic rose in my throat. I peered out my window, 2am, pitch black, towards the oceanfront I knew was there but could not see. Was I safe? I wasn't really sure. These are fears I've never had before. Tornadoes in the Midwest were a frightening possibility, but we had false alarms every summer, and for some reason they didn't scare me. I used to wonder why some of the students would howl and sob in the corridors of elementary school when we had tornado drills. I know, now, that perhaps a tornado was just as scary to them as this tsunami appeared to me. Unplanned, unheard of in my lifetime, and completely foreign. I didn't know how to react. I had people telling me to fill my bathtub with water, and others telling me to go to sleep, that it was nothing. What was I supposed to do? I decided to lie awake in bed until the witching hour of 3am had come and gone, uneventful. Finally I fell asleep, wind blowing peacefully through my window. Maybe next time it will be real, though. Maybe next time, I'll have an ocean outside of my window. Life is so unpredictable. Yet again, I am reminded that life is short. Yet again, I look at my bucket list and realize that I have a LOT of shit to accomplish!

Last week Oscar had his own scary moment, with a worse outcome.

I let him out to pee on a Monday morning, and when I turned away from the door, he bolted for the fence, broke through it, chased down a loose chihuahua, and tore into it. I think it would have died had I gotten there a few minutes later. The owner was of course hysterical, squealing as if her child were being slaughtered by a pack of wolves.

Of course that's what the neighbors thought.

The ex-husband screamed at me for owning such a miserable beast, that I should kill him, as I pried my dogs jaws off of the squeaky toy-sized animal. I carried my beast home in my arms, his confused expression telling me all I needed to know about his "attack." That chihuahua had earned it. They let that thing roam the block on a regular basis, and this time, he got too close to the fence. My dog's prey drive kicked in, and the hunt was on. Of COURSE I don't condone chihuahua slaughters, but I can hardly blame my dog for doing what dogs do. I can't fight against hundreds of years of genetics. I can't take the drive out of a dog that was bred to hunt rodents, protect homes, and fight. I was cited by the county for off-leash violation and must appear in court in April to determine my penalty. In the meantime, I am trying to pay the vet bill for the chihuahua, which, luckily, was pretty minor. I also put out a "runner" in the yard so that Oscar will be tethered and will not be able to breach the fence again. I started working with an animal behaviorist on Monday and she is helping me to redirect his attentions on walks and get him under control even off-leash. We have our work cut out for us, but it is a labor of love.

Surprisingly, my derby infatuation and devotion is beginning to pay off; I have successfully bartered private roller derby training for dog obedience training, and the fun doesn't stop there! Starting the Newbie Clinic on Saturdays has led to exciting prospects. Misfit Maiden of Minnesota Rollergirls has been traveling around New Zealand and Australia, and recently stumbled upon a leader of several leagues in AU that would like to hire her and MYSELF to run a Derby Clinic! They are paying for everything... flight, accommodations, food, and a grand stipend on top of it for my time! Funniest thing is, I never realized how much derby experience I was accumulating as I traveled down my road of life. Did I know I've been playing derby for 5 years already?! Holy cow! I had no idea! It's true. I started playing derby in 2007. I have played with three different leagues and was a key player and developer on two of them. I helped draft the constitution and bylaws for Oahu, and am currently drafting a constitution/bylaws for Kauai! OMG! I'm all official and stuff! I wonder if everyone has that epiphany moment in life when they realize that it's not all for nothing, and that experience really does take you somewhere... I'm so surprised, and so excited! The Bonesetter, also a former MNRG skater, has joined forces with several other skaters to form Triple Threat, another derby clinic training group. I am starting to network and explore possibilities of joining them for trainings overseas! The possibilities, as derby expands beyond the United States, are endless! At this point, I'm very excited, a little bit nervous and insecure, but also really ready to start reaping what I sow.

I have put a lot of effort, money and sacrifice into roller derby. It's about flipping time for that payback! AU in May, beeyatch!! Woot!!

"Work" remains undefined and strange. I am tutoring 2 days a week now at the Hawaiian Immersion School, where I have learned that students begin to learn English speaking and writing at the 5th grade level. I have plenty of opinions on this matter, but due to the fact that I am still learning and investigating this schooling concept from an insider's perspective, I am remaining mute on the subject. I am also working with the arts nonprofit to teach art therapy several times a month, art after school for at-risk youth in the low-income housing on Fridays, and FINALLY have received the curriculum guide for the program I was originally hired on for. We meet today to go over a battle plan on how to incorporate the expected curriculum through an art-based lesson strategy. I am excited to feel like I am earning my paycheck, and relieved to get the ball rolling so that grant resources are not being mishandled for my paycheck.

In other art-related news, Jim O'Rourke, mastermind and co-founder of the Rourke Museum in Moorhead, MN, has passed away due to a fall in his home. He will be sorely missed by the Midwest art community. I am pleased that his museum and all of it's exhibits scheduled will continue on undisturbed, including the annual Midwestern Art Invitational that I enter into every year with my father. I am currently working on my submission for this year's theme, "What Would Dante Do?" I had a quick trip back to MN a month ago and managed to find some pretty amazing pieces to use for my idea. Photos and details to come!

Staying busy, checking off items on the bucket list, realizing dreams, and tapping potential. Sounds like a good use of my life. Poverty is gonna lose, I swear!

Medical Termination and Hawaiian Immersion School

Ah... the words "Medical Termination," so bittersweet, bring slushy and somewhat acid-reflux sensations to my innards.

I thought it was all working out okay, the poverty cycle, the return to work, the endless amount of busywork being handed off to me... but right when I started to feel sure of it all, I got these pains in my neck. Literally. It would suffice to say that my boss helped bring them on, as I believe it may be attributed to my extended bedrest and "work from home" arrangement with my laptop on my stomach for hours on end. Apparently having your chin on your chest for 12+ hours a day can result in serious neck problems.

Alas, I was medically terminated from the govt. job and relieved of my worldly duties at the college. It was not a bitter ending. I was glad to do it. Unfortunately I'm still having trouble with my neck, but after living through one quack of a Chiropractor and then landing into the safety net of a new one who knows what he's doing, I can safely say that I am on the mend. I will be back to my old self in no time.

My main concern is the new job that I have taken on. Opportunities abound in the fingerpainting art world as schools K-8 have eliminated art from the curriculum. They eliminated music, too, which surprises me... but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. After all, "art" and "music" are really just aristocratic luxuries done by the bored and lazy, right? Well, at least the educational system knows that they are the poorest industries and therefore shouldn't foster them. What concerns me the most is that due to a complete elimination of such things from education, thousands upon millions of kids that are not math and science inclined are going to slip through the cracks. They'll be lost and struggling, and not know why they feel that way. I can't imagine having gone through school without them. That's what I was good at. If I had only the subjects that made me cry and frustrated me to no end, surely my self-esteem would have plummeted. Surely I wouldn't have gone on to college.

Even more sad is that now "art" is replaced by coloring in a cartoon with crayons or colored pencils. This change is now directly upon me, as I have begun to "teach" after school art. I have an hour and a half to work some magic. I don't know where to begin.

I have also begun tutoring at a Hawaiian Immersion school, with even more disturbing curriculum than regular public schools; they don't learn English. It was nuts... I felt like I was in another country. Kinda cool, the whole idea behind preserving a culture... but let's assess this for a second. Sure, I've heard of language camp and magnet schools where a second language becomes the focus... but NO English? How will they ever get into college? I've only gone to tutor one day and really don't know much about the structure of this school... but my kneejerk reaction is that this is a HUGE disadvantage to every student enrolled. Hawaii is already last in the nation for education. How the hell will this help students catch up? They won't even be able to write an application essay.

3 Topics of Interest That I Felt Like Mentioning

1) I need the Dog Whisperer. Sometimes Oscar and I watch episodes together. I tell him it's his homework. He has small animal prey drive and I can't seem to break it. Whenever he sees something, he goes into "the red zone," as I call it, and I can't break his concentration. He just loses his shit. I've tried everything but an E-collar. I bought one, but I'm scared to use it on him. He needs something, though. A month ago he slipped out the gate and almost mauled a corgi. I had to tackle him and pry his jaws off of the poor dog. The dog wasn't hurt, but Oscar had defensive bites all over. This is not the kind of dog I want to own, and I want to be a responsible pet owner and do something before he actually hurts something... or kills it. That said, he's generally a high-energy marshmallow with a sweet disposition and is eager to please. Very endearing. Follows me everywhere and loves to cuddle. It's like he has multiple personality disorder.

2) Cooking disasters? No! Not me... okay, okay... maybe just a few. My mother, bless her heart, was not that great of a cook. She tried, but my siblings and I grew up "saving" things from the stove top before they turned into charred blobs. I have come a long way, but there are still some things I fail at. One is cooking steak. I always seem to overcook it. I know you're supposed to pull it off before it's to where you like it, but somehow I never get it right. I like my steak a healthy medium. I used to work in a lot of fine dining restaurants, so I definitely know ABOUT food, just not necessarily how to cook it. Another thing I need to work on is Alfredo sauce. Always seems grainy. I know I'm doing something wrong. Last thing I need to master, and soon, is how to blind bake a pie crust, like for a quiche. I just made one the other day and even though I thought I HAD blind baked it long enough, it was still mushy on the bottom. To make matters worse, the egg mixture didn't set fast enough and the crust edges got a little overdone.
So you see... I'm not a "toast and macaroni" type disaster... but rather, an "intermediate" "disaster. I would love to get more knowledge on some of the really basic cooking stuff I have never learned properly. You know... like sauces, crusts and breads, meats, etc. Specialties include Swedish Meatballs over garlic mashed potatoes w/ homemade cranberry sauce, lemon and dill salmon steak with flash fried green beans and a dollop of dijon mustard, and pretty much anything involving potatoes. I love potatoes :) When I was younger, I tried to bake every cake recipe in my mom's Betty Crocker cookbook. I don't think I got through them all, but I really enjoy baking. Okay, I love food. There. Now it's really obvious. I swear I work out, too! Haha

3) Roller derby is a legitimate sport now. sh*tlike flying elbows and clotheslines went out about 5 years ago. 4 years ago, at the end of my rookie season, fighting became illegal and cause for ejection and suspension. So... now, there are more rules than hockey. There is occasionally still a fight, but it is entirely legit. Bad blood happens between some of the rival teams. There is a committee that just got derby recognized by the Olympics organization, so expect to see it even more over time. There are a lot of injuries, like any sport. Common are broken legs, busted knees, and broken ribs. I've broken my right hand and my left wrist in derby. I will keep playing as long as my body lets me. My best friend started derby in D.C. 1/2 year ago. She was warming up prior to her first bout after being drafted, fell, and pulverized both bones. 2 plates and 13 screws later, she is just now walking without crutches. She will never play derby again. It's a love of the sport and a lifestyle that keeps me at it. Great for self-esteem, derby is a sport for ANY body type. Asses are... assets. Which is great. Cuz I have a nice ass. haha

You Have a Beautiful Soul. Wanna Fuck?

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

Pretty much sums it up.

What I consider beautiful, someone else considers to be a pile of lard that has been stuffed into pantyhose and stitched crudely with industrial thread. They might gag when they discover it is lard, but I see it as a unique and valuable object that acts as a vehicle for a great idea in my head. To me, it is beautiful. Beauty, in my environment, is what draws emotion and a sentimental reminisce of positive times and experiences, feelings. Beauty is not necessarily skin deep, but can be (there is no mistaking that a beautiful woman or man will draw out the aforementioned feelings).

I am not one to deny the importance of physical beauty. Mental aspects are far more beautiful to me, however). I am willing to overlook quite a bit when a strong, healthy and curious mind is attached to a less than perfect exterior. In fact, I prefer it. I find that most beautiful people who appear flawless have deepset emotional issues, anyway, so really, their outer beauty is just a mask. I'm not into GQ and Cosmo physiques because there is nothing to squeeze. They don't even appear human to me. Like cyborgs. Models in magazines aren't perfect either, actually. Even my roommate has learned some photoshop tricks to shrink her arm fat in photos and tone up her tummy. She calls it the "photoshop diet." Deceitful? Yes. Common? Absolutely. I think just about every honest woman I know admits their flaws, and 9/10 say it's a physical one. I know some really beautiful souls, but sometimes the outer shell gets way more attention. It's a pity, but it's the way our culture portrays ideals. Having a beautiful soul won't get you laid (at least not very often).

I've done a ton of research on this, as my thesis work revolved almost entirely on body image and body modification over the course of centuries and throughout the world. I could go on and on about this subject for a really long time, but I'm thinking that might be more than I need to write on right now... so I'm going to stop.