How I Want My Life To Be

How I want things to be, and the small steps I will take to make it happen

When I wake up in the morning, I want to wake up without an alarm clock. I want to be in a big bed with lots of soft pillows that have nice, matching linen on them without any tears or stains. My dog will sleep by my feet or on his new dog bed that I have bought with my first paycheck from a new job working at a job that challenges me and uses my brain. I look forward to going to work, especially when I get to take business trips to other countries. My job is demanding, and often my duties vary depending on the project. I have to be able to buckle down and get things done under tight deadlines and that challenges me. I am rewarded through the aforementioned travel as well as through networking opportunities. I will secure a promising career track within the next 5 years. Although it will be a struggle to work up the ladder, it will be a great fit for my skill set and I will be valued in my position.

Daily exposure to art inspires my own artistic practice, and I eventually have my own studio where I build up a strong enough body of art to have a show. It may not be a huge show, but it will be an honor. My exhibit will come from a lot of hard work and perseverance, but its completion will be very satisfying to me.

I envision myself making enough money to sustain a moderate standard of living that will allow me to continue with extracurriculars (roller derby) for at least another five years. Within that time frame, I will pursue several side ventures including derby boot camp instruction in other countries as well as the business project that I am currently developing with a friend. This will not be my project entirely and I will own only a small part of the company, but that will not bother me and will be more of an amusement. It will obtain some success and become an investment to me. My derby relationships will remain extremely critical in pursuing career ventures, and it will be very important to forge new connections within my derby network as I get closer to hanging up my skates. My involvement with teaching derby boot camps will secure these friendships and enlarge my social circle exponentially worldwide.

My relationship with one particular man will develop slower than I would like, but with positive results. It will be his caution that becomes the glue of its stability, and over time we will grow to be great friends and companions. We may or may not have children, but we will definitely be happy. Having a stable companion will allow me to see past the false security of a nuclear family unit and put more value on a lasting bond. If we do have kids, it will probably only be one by birth and another by adoption. Marriage may or may not happen, but that won't ruin things.

Due to the industry that I will be working in and the industry of my partner, we will travel frequently. We will both be able to utilize time in these other countries to pursue personal interests and creativity as well as justify the trips for work-related reasons. We will work as a team to establish a strong system that allows us to get away with it. I look to this man as having more of the brains to the operation, where I will have more of the labor in making arrangements and finding places to stay.
There will be large portions of time where I will be away from my partner, but I will be so occupied with work duties and Roller Derby Boot Camp Trainings that it will work out harmoniously. Both of us will find happiness in our times apart from each other as well as a renewed sense of appreciation for one another in the other's absence. It will cause us to simultaneously enjoy the time away as well as find new reasons to be together.

I will outlive my partner, but there will be many things left behind that will survive him. Our offspring will be greatly inspired by his gifts. They will have my good looks and his brains. My family will be able to work out anything with time and patience. We will be loyal and loving. I will be satisfied in death by my accomplishments, and will complete a memoir of my life's ramblings upon my partner’s death. I may be writing it in his final years. It will include many stories of my travels and experiences as well as insight to what it is like to live as a post-modern woman in the body of a naughty 60's housewife. It will be well received and my greatest work.

Concentrating on the next year of my life will involve a move to a bigger city, then a move to an even bigger city within another 5 years.

A recap of Hawaii's latest "TOP NEWS" stories

I've decided that Hawaiian news is ridiculously bad.

Breaking News for the Hawaiian Islands, July 19, 2011

-A driver is sought after crashing their SUV on the main road leading to my house (Kauaihau Road). This incredibly intelligent driver fled the scene of the crime on foot and left his friends in the car with injuries to deal with the police. I'm sure they'll never find him because his car wasn't registered... right? Plus... his friends would never rat him out.

-Councilman Harimoto is being pestered by someone who decided that if Portland, OR could find a way to keep smelly homeless people out of bus stops, so can Honolulu. A city comparison study on how Portland deals with bus shelter campers is going to end all of our problems. Stinky people are such a tarnish on Honolulu's clean image. I think that all people living under bus shelters should go rent apartments now in light of the outrage, and keep their stink to themselves. We could just fly them off to San Francisco, too, I suppose...

-Vandals have chopped down 10 ACRES of papaya trees on Big Island. 10 ACRES. In the middle of the night. No one heard them because they were ninjas with machetes. There is speculation that the vandals were somehow against genetically modified food. That's right: activist, machete-wielding, yuppie ninjas!

-Police in Honolulu are baffled as to how and why a 58-year-old Wahiawa man drove into oncoming traffic on H2 at 4:28am. He killed himself, and the woman who hit his Hyundai with her Toyota SUV is in critical condition. Clearly this was a case of him playing chicken and thinking that Hyundais are better than Toyotas. Hopefully this settled any rumors of Hyundais making a comeback.

-All drivers in Kauai can rest assured as a class called Traffic Skills 101 is now underway to teach uncoordinated bicyclists how to stay away from cars. In addition to learning how to look behind them while riding, recreational riders can also learn how to change a flat tire and how to look good in spandex (personally I think that they should save the fashion portion for Traffic Skills 102, since it is such a lengthy subject).

In the Mud of Self Discovery

I feel like I've been asking myself the question of "What Should I Be When I Grow Up?" for years now. Shouldn't I know by now?

I've worked in so many fields and traveled, seen stuff, picked up weird jobs... why can't I put it all together? I'm having a career crisis that is lasting for years. This economy is still pretty bad, but then I went and moved to a rural island. What was I thinking??

Currently, I work for a nonprofit that teaches anti-drinking/drugs and no-alcohol curriculum, infusing art lessons in whenever possible to make it interesting and tolerable. On Fridays I work for the housing projects teaching art to the at-risk youth, and have to suffer through watching these poor kids deal with family members that are incarcerated and parents that are quite likely abusing them. It's really sad. It makes me cry in my car. On my off days, I try to pick up hours with my derby wife's vacation rental cleaning business, which is definitely a shift in skills and somewhat refreshing. I don't mind manual labor... it makes the time go quickly. I am in negotiations to pick up some work with a guy my roommate knows that does faux-finishing and home decoration projects, so if that happens, at least I will be getting back into the artisan industry. I lowballed him on a rate in hopes that he will take me in and give me some steady hours.

I am beginning to contemplate some other options. I don't like the idea... but a girl's got student loans... and a grocery bill.. and rent...

He Is Coming

Guard your heart

He has lovely words that sing for days,
like sirens in Bermuda

Be wary... he is coming
and you, dear, are not ready.

Look at you,
your heart dangling from ribbon,
displayed behind glass

Be warned... the buzzards are circling
the forest, silent

he has arrived

Tasmanian devils are adorable until they eat

So, Australia was pretty epic. There were so many crazy adventures and weird experiences that I have no idea where to start...

I guess maybe with the whole reason for being there... the derby clinic. First off, two of the local papers called Misfit and I "International Roller Derby Stars," making me so nervous and embarrassed that I just about crawled in my skin. That's a hella lot of pressure! Luckily, their eyes only stayed big and starstruck upon our arrival to the clinic for the first half hour or so. Then they started to loathe us. We have really awesome endurance drills, apparently ;)
Part of what was so amazing, despite the fact that this was 10 leagues and about 150 girls, was that it was all organized by the Victorian Roller Sports Commission, led by a really cool woman who likes the derby and likes where it is headed. The ten leagues got together to do the clinic because the big league in their state, VRDL, wasn't assisting them or helping them in any way to get organized and figure out how to go about things. They brought Misfit and I in to help structure their practices and teach them drills to work on basic skills and simple strategy. Most of the skaters had never been in a bout and only a few had ever scrimmaged, so really, we were working from the ground up. They were super enthusiastic about learning new things and were really respectful of Misfit and myself, and they didn't even groan when I made them do push ups for talking while I was explaining drills..

So the clinic was two 6-hour days, with a barrage of derby stuff. Misfit and I would powwow before each day to go over what drills each of us was doing and when we would switch groups, and by the end of the weekend, I had an amazing list of new material that Misfit added to my existing spreadsheet! I'm super pumped to have such a valuable resource. The clinic was a huge success and they are already talking about bringing the two of us back in January, when all of the teams will be ready to start bouting. I am really excited about that prospect, but I don't want to get my hopes up. It's pretty tough to get away from work for that long. I hope it works out.

After we did the clinic, Blondage (the rollergirl that put us up), Misfit, TnTeegs (another skater) and myself took an adventure trip to Tasmania! We had a blast. We did a ghost tour of Port Allen, wore tiger print Snuggies in public at every opportunity, and generally made an ass of ourselves on a regular basis. The funniest part was that I was fully expecting to have to deal with a lot of drunken nights where I was babysitting three adult babies. That wasn't the case at all. Contrary to the party girl image that many derby girls portray, we barely went out! Any drinking was brief and in moderation as I sipped cocoa before bed. We're a bunch of Nanas! Haha Oh well. Shh! Don't tell anyone! We like sleep!

After a very exciting trip, we returned to Melbourne area and taught two more day clinics for two different leagues, reinforcing some of the drills we had done in the camp. It was a great experience and a great time. I hope I can figure out how to do more of this derby clinic stuff. It really suits me ;)

Australia, so soon!

OMG I am such a procrastinator! I've been putting off formulating some sort of a curriculum for this clinic, but really I have no idea what I'm going to put on it! I have received an email list of a few things they would like to cover, but I'm coordinating the entire clinic with Misfit over emails as she is traveling all over New Zealand and Australia and not available to have a phone conversation :/

I just have to trust that all of this will come together somehow. It's weird to think I'm leaving the country in a week and have nothing but that to prepare for. Passport in hand, dog care squared away, timesheets ready to go. I have unfortunately been shorted hours on my timecard, but maybe that will pull through for me when I get the "short" check from missing two weeks of work. This is the time when I miss "paid" vacation time.

Totally ready to have an adventure. It has been far too long since I took a trip!

Plugging Away

Trying to keep my head above water, picking up odds and ends jobs to fill in my time, tutoring, teaching art, eating too much food, procrastinating making my art piece for the Rourke Art Gallery show. Sounds like your average day in Anywhereville, USA. Slowly losing contact with friends back in MN. That part is a little depressing, but such is life. Constantly evolving, always moving forward, shapeshifting and throwing obstacles in our paths to overcome. Still doing the derby clinic with the newbies, and we're getting ready to test out. I think only a few are going to make it as many of the girls have dropped due to life circumstances. It will all be worth it if just two of them make it to the test out...